


Passing Days

by moonyoungx



Category: GOT7, JJ Project
Genre: "light" yugbam?, Actor Park Jinyoung (GOT7), Anal Fingering, Ass Play, Cliche, Dry Humping, Eventual Smut, Farmer Jaebum, I promise, Light Angst, M/M, New tags, SO MUCH Cliche, Smut, They were best friends in the past, it is a we were bff and now adults we will be something more, mark is only a cameo, only in the begin, sorry - Freeform, yes - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-17
Updated: 2021-03-16
Packaged: 2021-03-18 19:55:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 36,706
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21825970
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moonyoungx/pseuds/moonyoungx
Summary: Jaebum was fourteen when his best friend moved from the small town to pursue his dream in the capital. The different paths they take become clear when they meet again, ten years later.Friendship, which was once so great, is no longer today.But that doesn't mean that another feeling will not exist between them.
Relationships: Im Jaebum | JB/Park Jinyoung, Kunpimook Bhuwakul | BamBam/Kim Yugyeom
Comments: 17
Kudos: 84





	1. Coming Home

**Author's Note:**

> English it's not my mother language, so forgive me any mistakes or wrong grammar.
> 
> Hope you like it!!! 
> 
> and yes, this history has Jaebum plowing a lot of lands aha

The Im and the Parks farms were nearby in the small town, in north of Seoul, Goyang.

The families have been friends for generations, so it would be no different with the newest one.

And the little and smart Jaebum was smiling, with his eighth months old, in his mother's lap, looking at the newborn Jinyoung, who was sleeping serenely in the dark wooden crib, said it would be no different.

The two did not come apart. One was like each other's mirror.

Personality differences, however, have always been clear. It was never a bad thing, to be honest. They were more like a complement for each other. What Jaebum couldn't do, Jinyoung did. Just like vice-versa.

They had their first serious fight when they were both 10 years old. It was in September, at Jinyoung's birthday party. Jaebum found himself having to share his best friend with other children for the first time, and this made him confused. He had a fight with Jinyoung at the end of the party, that night.

Which resulted in them not talking with each other for a week.

Jinyoung later found Jaebum's gift to him, tucked under his bed, in one afternoon. It was a bracelet of thin, braided leather straps and a small leaf-shaped wrought-iron pendant.

He put it on his wrist and rushed to the Im's farm lavenders field, where he knew he would find his best friend.

The low smile Jaebum gave when he noticed Jinyoung looking at him and showing his wrist with the gift he made it was one of the memories that remains clear in the youngest mind, even now.

Jaebum has always been closed, timid. He kept most of his thoughts to himself.

Jinyoung was the opposite.

He always talked a lot. He smiled a lot, and even hiding his laughter with the palm of his hand, everybody could knew that he was smiling.

While Jaebum only nodded to greet people as they passed through town, Jinyoung spoke and smiled at all of them.

Jaebum was not a physical person. Jinyoung loved to hug.

The city where they lived was known for its amazing foods and flower agriculture.

The Parks were known for their excellent vegetables and fruits, as well as the Im for their beautiful and impeccable flowers.

A large television channel was promoting the different cities and provinces of Seoul, making small commercials from each place.

Jinyoung was chosen to star in Goyang's commercial.

Of course it would be him.

From an early age, it was always Jinyoung in the lead roles of high school plays. And he was good. He was very good.

Jaebum, his parents, and his best friend's parents knew this.

And after the commercial aired all over the country, a movie production company also started to knowing.

Im Jaebum was 14 years old when his best friend, Park Jinyoung, moved from Goyang to Seoul to star in a costly and production film, playing the main actor's son.

  
** _Jaebum was 14 when Jinyoung disappeared from his life._ **

••

When the Parks sold the farm to go with their son to the capital, so he could live the dream he always had, many peoples judged the attitude. The large farm, known for its excellent produce and large plantation land, being sold at a lower price than it was worth, was a shock to the whole city.

But the sale is no longer a regret.

Today, the Parks see that all efforts for their son were worth it.

Jinyoung will be grateful for his parents all of his life. And he has been showing his gratitude whenever he can. Spares no effort to it.

Park Jinyoung is a big name in the movie industry now. He is a renowned actor, winner of the country's biggest acting award of the previous year and a strong candidate to repeat the feat this year as well.

His latest film was a blockbuster, broking records and was sold to 7 countries outside of Korea - what it eas a huge made for non-Hollywood productions.

He was able to set a comfortable standard of living. He didn't push the line, even if he could, he just wanted a good life for himself, his parents, and his younger sister.

  
••

Jinyoung was in his apartment's office when Jackson, his manager, came in, full of smiles.

"Who always does things to make you happy?" The blonde hummed, carefully depositing a white envelope in front of Jinyoung, who caught it curious, smiling at the restless friend in front of him.

The contents of the envelope were nothing more than the Park's old farm sales and works contract concluded, which Jinyoung has been looking forward to for five long months.

The actor patted the papers in the palm of his hand, rising excitedly, smiling openly. "Let's get my parents to dinner and tell them the news." Jinyoung put the papers back in the envelope, rolled it up, and put it in the inner pocket of the dark overcoat he had just put on.

"_Park-nim_, we need to buy you warm clothes."

"Okay."

"And wool socks, you know, will get cold."

"Whatever you want." Jinyoung patted his friend weakly on the shoulder.

Jackson cheered up even more. "You're the best boss in the world."

The manager-artist relationship was different with Jinyoung and Jackson.

They were more like best friends. Where Jackson is always smiles and words of encouragement to Jinyoung, it is also harsh words with those who do not respect the terms of contracts and want to take some advantage of the actor's career. Jackson's knowledge of the entertainment world is very helpful, and even though he looks like a docile puppy who can only smile, he's very strong and competent about his work with Jinyoung.

Their treatment is gentle, honorifics are only used when needed - or when Jackson wants to make Jinyoung embarrassing by calling him Park-nim in front of people.

  
Jinyoung's anxiety faded the moment he saw his parents' faces light up as they both saw the contents of the envelope he'd given them.

Jinyoung always knew that his parents wanted to go back to their hometown. That house was always of his family, they didn't want it to be lost.

Jinyoung was heading toward the parking lot when his mother called him just as they were leaving the restaurant. Jackson played with little Soyang on his lap while his father laughed at them both.

"You always thought of that, didn't you?" Mom Park sweet asked.

"Since we left Goyang."

"You didn't have to."

"You need a big house to see your grandchildren run around."

"It will be long before Soyang gives me grandchildren." She smiled, causing her son to smile along.

"We can adopt some dogs then."

The woman smiled once more. "We are very grateful for that."

"I'm the most grateful here. I'm just giving back what you and Dad did for me."

"I know." Mom Park smiled serenely and pulled her son into a tight hug.

  
••

"I heard the farm of the hill side was bought." Jaebum listened to his staff member as he took care of sunflower seeds. "What's great, that land is too good to be abandoned like that."

"They are doing work in the main house, have architects involved and everything." Your other employee said.

"You two should work at the town’s newspaper and not here." Jaebum said quickly, dropping what he was doing, picking up the grubber and heading for the freshly picked patch of the rose field.

Not that he was always harsh with his two, and only, employees - even being many times in a day - but this time what drove his irritated tone out had been the subject.

His farm and his name were well known in the city. The production of various types of flowers, in addition to their incredible quality and beauty, made Jaebum a known exporter to almost all over the country. On his living room bookshelf, he also had awards for his flowers and garden exhibits.

Jaebum lived a good life.

Yes, not bad at all.

It was a comfortable life, just... lonely.

He did nothing but work and live for it. But he liked it.

His flowers diverted the bad focus, almost four years ago, when his parents suffered the accident.

Since then his life has been taking care of the farm, which has made it grow and become even more recognized.

The addition of Bambam and Yugyeom in his life was not all bad. In fact, it was no bad at all, but he would never admit it to both of them.

The intention was to have two employees to help him in the growing work, but it was also a unique finding, the two younger ones are the reason for many of the his smiles and laughter.

“Hyung.” Bambam's voice drew Jaebum from his concentration of plowing the freshly picked field of white roses. "The eleven’o order just left."

Jaebum shook his head. “There are dumplings on the stove and rice in the pan, go with Yugyeom to lunch, I'm already finishing here.”

Bambam's smile was big and happy as he walked excitedly toward Jaebum's big house.

••

  
Two weeks wenting fast.

Jaebum threw himself into one of the armchairs in his living room, only the light from the lit dining table chandelier making the ambience calm and even more conducive to the sleep taking over his tired body.

He loved the flowers and their work, but he hated events and even more congresses.

Okay, he liked exhibitions, but spending more than four hours listening to different types of fertilizers and how to make a better worm was not nearly his taste.

His suitcase was still near the door when he let the sleep take hold of him right there on the couch. 

But he wasn't there when he woke up the next day. Neither the silence.

Yugyeom and Bambam were in his kitchen, laughing together as they stirred in pots. The noise if their voices and stranger sounds dominated the entire first floor of the house.

"I was wondering how you two got in here." Jaebum said sleepily.

"You don't fix the balcony door latch, we have the right to come and being feed in your house." Bambam said as he stirred the eggs in the pan.

"You should talk quieter then."

"And you should take a shower and ..." Yugyeom stopped the sentence as he saw Jaebum's gaze. "And hyung should take a shower." The younger one corrected himself and smiled. "We're making for three."

Jaebum snorted as he turned toward the stairs, heading for his room.

“Ah! Hyung! ”Bambam called. “When we were arriving early, there was a man in front of the entrance.” Jaebum intently looked at him. "He looked about your age, and his hair was beautiful." Jaebum let out a kind of growl as Yugyeom laughed at his friend.

"What did he want? Did you ask his name? ”

"He just asked if you were still living here and when we said yes, he thanked us and headed toward the other side of the hill." Yugyeom reported.

Bambam's tone was full of self-satisfaction. “Thinking now, he might be the new farm owner there!”

_Or the old one._

The thought came as fast as it left Jaebum's head. It was stupid to think about that. It was even more stupid not knowing what to feel at the sudden thought.

Thoughting of him was so conflicted for his mind that he would rather not do it. Although ten years was too much to not do it. Especially when his face appeared in the city news and newspaper sometimes.

  
••

  
Night fell fast. The wind was fresh and.

Jaebum liked it when this happened, because the wind was hitting the lavender fields, spreading the smell he liked so much.

After dismissing Yugyeom and Bambam, the first thing Jaebum did was to go there. He sat at the beginning of the field, where small seedlings grew. Bringing his knees close to his chest, Jaebum crossed his arms on them, closing his eyes and letting himself emerge in the scent and warm feeling it brought.

He knew that that would be the answer if someone asked him what he would like to do for the rest of his life. So immersed in leaving everything around him, Jaebum heard nothing. Not even closer and closer steps. He only realized that he was no longer alone when he saw a pair of bare feet beside where he was sitting.

His gaze went up slowly, through the baggy trousers, hands in pocket, loose sweater.

Jaebum could not have any reaction, whatever it was.

His gaze drifted from the stranger’s face, staring straight ahead to what was on his wrist near his face.

The braided leather bracelet and the wrought-iron leaf pendant were there. Its never left.

Jaebum was still completely quiet.

The man next to him took his hands out of his pocket, leading them to straighten the hem of his sweater before crouching down to Jaebum's height.

Looking forward, his voice filled Jaebum's ears.

“This is still your favorite place.” The tone was soft, the voice was melodious, and every word said was full of realization.

Jaebum looked into his face. He only saw the profile.

How could it be just as he remembered?

Jaebum's mouth opened and closed countless sometimes but nothing came out. He didn't know what to say, and foremost, he didn't know what sensation would overwhelm him as soon as he spoke a word.

There was anger. Disappointment. Hurt.

There was surprise too.

There were things Jaebum did not want to be there.

And after one deep breath, the other's gaze locked with his. The whole face turned toward him.

Jinyoung had bright eyes when he held the small smile on his lips so he could speak the four words that had been stuck in his throat for ten years.

Jaebum had his eyes closed as he tried to contain his own body as he listened, after ten years, his best friend calling him the only way he could call him.

_"**I missed you, Beom-ah.**"_


	2. On & On

Jinyoung smiled to himself. He looked up at the high ceiling of his room and smiled.

A smile of so many meanings, but none that was the right one.

Jaebum hadn't given him a word, just looked into his eyes and turned to leave, but that was kind of expected.

But just the fact that him could see Jaebum...

Ah, Jinyoung could see him up close. Update every piece of Jaebum's face in his memory.

And if that was something that made him smile, who would find another reason not to?

**••**

When the sun rises in that day, and Jinyoung was already woke up.

Leaning against the threshold of one of the porch doors, he held a cup of hot tea in one hand; on his face a vacant look, with no fixed point.

The air there was different. It was warm. It was like home.

Even the fresh smell it was something that Jinyoung missed.

His farm was to the right of the hill; Jaebum's in front of it, being easy to see each other smoothly - which made it easier for Jinyoung to see the lights on the Im farm porch turning off, and then, the windows opening, even though he was seeing them smaller, because of the distance.

Jaebum had also made renovations to his farmhouse. The windows before weren't all glass like it now, and the porch deck was bigger.The barn grew larger, painted with a dark brown.

Jinyoung saw two boys coming near the farm Im. They should not be past twenty.

Both had been sharing a bicycle. The largest of them, even though they were both tall, was pedaling, while the long-legged one was standing behind, on the wheeled supports. They laughed together, their laughs were loud, and they played with each other as best they could. The one that was riding the bike rocked it to the side, causing the one behind him to hug him tightly, slapping his shoulders and head soon after. Their joy was beautiful to behold.

Jinyoung tried to look closely and saw that they were the same boys he had asked about Jaebum the day before.

Did they work there?

His question was soon answered when they parked their bicycle next to the shed, put on gloves and picked up two shovels.

Still watching what was happening on the farm in front of him, the first smile of the day appeared on Jinyoung's lips.

Jaebum, again, was the reason.

He walked out the back door of his house with a cup in each hand and as soon as he got close to the two boys he gave one for each.

Your heart is still warm, Jaebeom-ah!

Jinyoung went inside to be able to change and go downtown to solve outstanding problems.

And with a smile on his lips.

_ Involuntarily. _

**••**

"Hyung, where do I put the special fertilizer lot for tulips?" Yugyeom asked as he entered the barn. Jaebum was concentrated while counting the herbicide stock and didn’t listen to the youngest. "Hyung!" Yugyeom called louder.

Jaebum looked at him, saw the younger one with his arms busy and waved sideways, indicating that he should put where he could.

Yugyeom set the sacks of fertilizer next to the large stock shelf, leaving after.

That was his boss's way of concentrating: his attention was fully focused on one thing at a time. The younger was already used to it.

What he did not know was that Jaebum was using the work, this time, as a distraction from what had happened three nights ago.

If his mind was focused only on work, he wouldn’t have time to think of anything but flowers, herbicides, and the order of red roses and hydrangeas to be delivered at the end of the day.

**••**

Jinyoung drove his truck around the downtown.

The streets now were paved. The shops windows were colored, with products or fruits on display asking to be bought.

It was good to see the city's growth, as there were now good opportunities in there for the residents themselves.

Jinyoung parked in front of the school where Soyang was having his first day of school. He smiled at the noisy place.

He started walking down the main avenue. There were clothing stores of different styles, a pet shop, bakeries, grocery stores, pharmacies. Before it was common to have one or at most two stores each, but as little as Jinyoung counted, there were an average of three outlets each.

Jinyoung saw that Mrs. Choi's little grocery store remained the same as he remembered it, and it didn't take long for him to get there soon.

The little lady was sorting grains of rice into small transparent bags when she heard the bell ringing in the door, indicating someone's entrance.

Jinyoung smiled as she recognized Mrs. Choi, and she came toward him.

"Welcome, young man, how can I help you, hm?"

Jinyoung smiled even more. "Ommo-ni, don't you recognize me anymore?"

The little lady looked confused, but it didn't take half a minute for the woman's eyes to widen and she smiled, clasping her hands to his chest. "Jinyoung-ssi!"

Jinyoung smiled as he bent to greet her.

"How long, my son! How long!" She pulled him in for a hug. "You've been doing well, hm? I sometimes watched you on television. You've been doing well."

Jinyoung bowed again to thank her while smiling even more.

"What brought you to our city?"

"I bought our farm back as a gift for my parents."

The lady smiled openly. "What a beautiful son your parents raised, what a beautiful son."

"And Youngjae? Doesn't he help you here anymore?"

"He now works at the Jaebum-ssi flower shop." Jinyoung was surprised. "He needed money to pay for his college and working here, he wouldn't do much." Jinyoung shook his head in understanding. "That boy has a good heart, even after all he's been through, he still helps us a lot."

Jinyoung knew that Mrs. Choi was referring to Jaebum, even without saying his name.

"I'm going to tell my parents to came here another day, ommo-ni. They're still unpacking the moving."

"Oh yes, yes. No hurry, hm? When they can. When they can."

Jinyoung bowed once more. "Hm, ommo-ni, where is the place that Youngjae works?"

Mrs. Choi smiled before starting to tell Jinyoung the way.

Woah, so he had also opened a flower shop in the city?

How much more had Jaebum expanded his business?

"Coco!" A shout was heard as soon as Jinyoung opened the flower shop door. A small white dog ran toward him, jumping on its legs, asking for a lap or affection. "Sorry! Sorry! She's usually quiet, I swear!" Youngjae was running, head down, to get the dog.

But Jinyoung was faster, picking it up, giving it the cuddle its was asking for.

"I don’t care." Youngjae looked up when the man talked to him. "She's cute as you were when I left."

Youngjae's face lit up. "Jinyoung hyung!" The younger one soon threw himself into Jinyoung's body, hugging him tightly. "How can you be more handsome in person than on screen, ah? That's not fair!"

Jinyoung laughed openly.

"How is everything here? Your mom told me you've been raising money to go to college. That's great!"

Youngjae smiled shyly. "Yeah. I already have a good amount saved, but I'm still afraid to leave my mother here alone."

"The longer you take, more years will pass to your mother and the less time she will be able to turn around on her own."

"You were always good with words, hyung."

Jinyoung laughed, pulling Youngjae by the neck with one of his arms and ruffling the younger's hair with his hand.

Coco began to struggle in Jinyoung's lap, which soon set her down.

"I'll take a dozen flowers for my mom, pick for me."

Youngjae shook his head excitedly before going to choose them.

"Have you worked here since when, Youngjae-ah?"

"Since Jaebum hyung opened the store, I think it's about three years ago." Youngjae responded with his eyes turned to the flowers. "He renovated the farm first, bought the lands around, and then bought the store." Youngjae smiled to himself, pleased with the choices he made. "He received a huge amount for the insurance, you know, because of the accident." He began to wrap the flowers. "At first, he didn't want to do anything, but he knows how much his parents loved the farm, so he wanted to do things for them."

"For them to look at him from wherever they are and be proud of what he has done and has been doing." Jinyoung concluded.

Youngjae looked at him and smiled with his eyes. "You're his best friend, indeed."

It was Jinyoung's turn to smile with his eyes, but the smile was nowhere near happy.

The verb is to be in the past, Youngjae-ah.

_ Was. _

**••**

"Omma!" Soyang shouted as soon as he entered the house, then started running around the house to look for his mother.

Jinyoung smiled as she closed the door behind her.

He went into the kitchen, took a glass jug, filled it with water to put the flowers in it.

The smell from the pans was amazing.

Jinyoung already had one hand up to lift one of the pan's lids, but his mother was quicker, stopping him with a pat.

"You should call Jaebum-ssi for dinner."

The smile that Jinyoung had on his lips melted into a surprised feature.

"I don't think so, mom, he wasn't very receptive when we met." Jinyoung took one hand to scratch the back of his neck.

"Neither would I." Mom Park laughed. "Then I make him a lunch box and you take it."

"No, mom-"

"Soyang goes with you, nobody denies anything to that child."

Jinyoung laughed.

**••**

Soyang was bouncing ahead of him. She carried a red lantern in her hands, and the sound of her plastic boots hitting the dirt floor harmonized with the sound of crickets.

"Oppa! Is it over there?" The girl asked, pointing to Jaebum's farmhouse. Jinyoung nodded, and Soyang returned to his excited state. "It's smells good here."

"It's a flower farm."

"Uh... We should plant flowers at home then."

The six-year-old girl was talking excitedly as she entered the grounds of the farm.

"Oppa, what flower is this?"

"Petunias."

"Hmmm ... what about this one?"

"It is also petunias. "

Soyang laughed, but then stopped short of shouting.

A gray cat, with a dark muzzle, had come out of the flowers to look at the curious girl.

Jinyoung was startled by her sister's scream, bringing her free hand, which did not carry the lunchbox, to her chest.

Soyang was crouching playing with the cat when Jaebum left the house alarmed.

"Oh!"

That's what came out of Jaebum's mouth when he saw Jinyoung looking at him.

Soyang was the second to speak. "Oppa! Is that your cat?" The girl was already with the animal in her lap.

Jaebum looked away from Jinyoung.

"Yes, it is." Jaebum walked toward the two. "It's called Nora." Soyang smiled. "She liked you, it's rare for her to go to someone's lap."

"She is beautiful."

Hearing that made Jaebum smile.

Jinyoung stared blankly at what was happening in front of him.

Jaebum's voice sounded more sweeter and higher.

His smile was even more beautiful.

Soyang released Nora, who began to rub on her legs, causing the girl to laugh, and she ran a short distance with the cat beside her, playing with it.

"At least with one of the Park’s you talk to." Jinyoung said as he approached two steps.

Jaebum laughed out his nose. "It's not her fault to have you as a brother."

It was Jinyoung's turn to laugh.

"My mother wanted to invite you to dinner, but I spared you to thought of a reason to deny it, and she prepared that for you." Jinyoung showed the bowls of the lunchbox, arranged on top of each other. "Please accept."

"For your mother, not for you." Jaebum said quickly as he took the bowls.

"I already knew it."

The silence between them was only broken by Soyang's slightly distant laugh.

"You've been doing a good job." Jinyoung said, looking at her sister and not the man next door. "I went to your flower shop in town today, Youngjae talks about you with a twinkle in his eye, that's cool what he did for him-"

Jinyoung couldn't complete his sentence, as Jaebum's heavy breathing was inches from his right ear.

"Why are you here? Why are you back?" His voice came out tight, low and harsh. "You don't care, why are you here with lies in your words?"

Jinyoung closed his eyes, took a deep breath and turned to look at Jaebum.

Jaebum was looking at him with narrowed eyes, his mouth clenched, which made his jaw become even more marked and his chin in evidence.

"I never used lies in my words with you." Jinyoung looked him in the eye. "I've never done it before, I'm not doing it now." Jaebum chuckled. "Don't you remember the first promise we made to each other?" Jinyoung smiled with only one side of his mouth.

"Go back to where you were, go back to your life, it was in vain come back because of me."

"Oh." Jinyoung blurted out, then laughed softly. "Do you think I came back for you, _Beom-ah_?" Jinyoung's tone was a mixture of fun and satisfaction.

"We're not friends anymore, why aren't you using formalities?"

This one had hit Jinyoung hard. The air came out of his nose as he came back to himself.

"I came back because now I can give back everything my parents gave up for me in the past." Jinyoung said as he locked his gaze on Jaebum's. "I came back because here it was always my place, but I don't even regret leaving to follow my dreams, Jaebum." Jinyoung moved closer. "There wasn't a day when I didn't think of you and missed your friendship, even here, standing in front of you, I still miss you." Jaebum still resisted continuing to look into Jinyoung's eyes. "I’ve almost abandoned the set of my first movie as a protagonist to catch the first flight back when I heard about your parents' accident." Jinyoung just stopped caring and allowed his eyes to fill with tears. "I don't regret leaving to follow my dreams, Jaebum, but I regret leaving you here alone so don't ever say I don't care." He took a deep breath. “Hope the meal pleases you, I'll tell Mom you thanks her. **Hyung**."

Jinyoung backed away, looking up to keep the tears from falling.

"Soyang!" He called his sister as he headed for the farm gate.

The girl ran toward her brother, waving cheerfully to Jaebum as she passed him.

As soon as Soyang passed Jinyoung, she saw his brother rub his eyes with his eyes, which made her come back and stand next to the older man.

"Oppa, it'll be fine, huh."

Jinyoung smiled, bending down and taking his sister in his lap.

They hugged each other willingly, making the same smile appear on their lips.

Jaebum could see it all, even though the two brothers were getting smaller and farther apart. But he just stared.

Jaebum could not see anything, because thoughts dominated his whole head.

Jaebum began to eat the meal he had gained, but before taking the spoon a second time to his mouth, his eyes could not stand any more and he let the tears roll down in his face.

It was not bad, not even close to that, it was just the feeling that had overwhelmed him.

The taste of Jinyoung's mother's food was similar to that of his own mother.

It brought him a feeling of home, of comfort, of not being alone anymore.

That was what he had been most afraid of since seeing Jinyoung days ago: that he would make him feel all the feelings he had forced himself to forget since his parents' accident.

Jaebum had been forced to keep in his heart every memory and sensation his home brought, the farm and every corner there.

He would never make it if he didn't do it.

His parents were all he had, and Jaebum lost them overnight.

Jaebum found himself alone in the middle of that huge place, in the house where he lived with his mother and father, and now it was just him. Therefore, the reforms. Therefore, the changes.

Jaebum could not bear to look at the wallpaper chosen by his mother and which he and his father had pasted between laughter and beer bottles.

And now Jinyoung had returned and it was like a key to unlock everything Jaebum had taken a whole year to save.

Jaebum was afraid.

Afraid of letting Jinyoung approach and release everything keeped in himself.

Afraid of Jinyoung leaving. Afraid of not being able to save everything once more.

_ Afraid of being alone again. _

  
  
**••**  
  
  
  


It was two weeks since the return of the Park’s to Goyang.

Jinyoung's parents worked animatedly across the grounds, along with old friends from the city, tidying up every previously abandoned piece of land.

Jinyoung saw the joy in her parents' eyes. He felt good about giving them the farm back.

Standing on the large porch, Jinyoung could see everything that was happening, and at all times he would wave and smile at anyone who came to help or moved closer to where he was.

"Jinyoung-ah!" His mother called. "Come help us, hm?!" Her invitation was in a funny tone, witch make his son laugh and raise up the set of papers in his hand. Mama Park smiled, understanding.

It was saturday. A nice day and so far the most beautiful since the arrival of them. The sun present enough to warm their bodies in the middle of autumn and make the sky even brighter.

Jinyoung smiled as he sat back on one of the porch loungers, putting his prescription glasses on his face so he could go back to reading the scripts in his hands.

"_Ahjussi!_"

This was new.

No one had called him uncle before.

He felt his skin age ten years, but laughed and stopped as soon as he saw who was calling him.

"Oh." It was the two boys that worked for Jaebum.

"Ahjus-" Jinyoung raised a hand, asking the taller one to stop talking.

"Please, do I really look that old to receive all this formality?" Jinyoung joked forcing a serious tone.

The boy laughed softly. "I’m sorry-"

He was interrupted again, but this time by someone else.

"Park-nim! Park-nim! He loves being called that." Jackson emerged with all his presence, climbing the last steps of the porch. "Actor-nim is great too, huh?!" The blonde looked at the two boys and smiled encouragingly.

"I'm sorry, Park-min." It was Yugyeom who said with a small smile on his lips. His words elicited a proud smile from Jackson and an incredulous Jinyoung look at Jackson.

"When did you get here? Why didn't you warn me?" Jinyoung said through his teeth to Jackson. The blonde just smiled and looked at the two boys ahead.

"What can we do to help you guys?" Jackson asked.

"We came to help Park-nim with the farm." It was still Yugyeom who spoke. Jinyoung rolled his eyes at the way he was called. "Our boss apologizes for not being able to come and asked us to represent him."

Jinyoung's gaze flew toward them, which made him curse himself.

Jinyoung cleared his throat. "How did he know we would clear the farm grounds today?"

"I spent the afternoon with Jaebumie yesterday." Mama Park came from behind them, taking off their dirty gloves, then filling herself with a glass of water.

Jinyoung looked surprised in her direction.

Jackson walked excitedly toward her, hugging her sideways. "Ommo-ni!"

"You said you were going to shopping."

"And I went." She drank the water, stroking Jackson's hand in hers. "Didn't you see the beautiful flowers in the leaving room?" Mama Park looked at her son questioningly. "Yugyeom-ssi! Bambam-ssi!" She said excitedly as she looked at the restless boys standing near. "Come, come! Help me with some things in the kitchen, huh?!" She saw their confused look. "You two are the most cleanest to help me prepare some snacks, look there my husband, full of dirt to the hat, ah." She smiled, causing the younger ones to laugh as she pulled them gently with her.

Jinyoung watched them until they were out of sight as they entered the house.

As soon as he looked back, he was startled by Jackson just inches from him.

"Yah!"

"You almost broke a muscle in your neck when one of the boys said something about their boss, huh?!" Jackson said with a smile on his lips. "A farmer, hm ... I always knew you had a preference for rustic- Yah!" He had been slapped on the arm.

"Yah? Yah?" Jinyoung slapped Jackson two more times. "Its me who was supposed to yah you!"

"Jinyoung-ah." Jackson called him as he held his laughter.

Jinyoung snorted and sat on the edge of the lounger. Jackson sat beside him, stroking one of his friend's thighs.

"It wasn't a easy meeting for you guys, huh, but we already knew it would be like that." Jinyoung nodded. Jackson comforted him with affection. "But does he look well?" Jinyoung agreed again. "That's important, right?" The blonde smiled over his friend's shoulder, making him smile weakly.

"He is still handsome?"

Jinyoung took a deep breath, closing his eyes, tilting his head back.

"I'm facing my downfall, Jackson."

The blonde said nothing more, just moved closer to his best friend, pulling him into the hug he knew Jinyoung needed.

**••**

That saturday night came, but Jinyoung didn't see it coming, as he was sleeping on the porch lounger.

The wind was icy and made Jinyoung move uncomfortably. He was only wearing a thin sweater and jeans.

The movement roused him, causing him to stretch before scratching your eyes.

Jinyoung was not alone.

Standing with his hip on the wooden fence of the porch was Jaebum.

His concentration was on the papers Jinyoung was reading all day.

Jinyoung couldn't move his eyes from the still man less than a meter away.

Jaebum was wearing only a pair of jeans and a large white button-down shirt.

"Hm ..."

Jaebum looked up and saw Jinyoung staring at him. "It was on the floor, I hope you don't mind me reading it."

Jaebum's voice was normal. Its tone without changing, simple.

"Uh ... no, no, that's fine." Jinyoung hurried to say.

Jaebum chuckled as he shifted his gaze from Jinyoung to the papers. "I liked the first proposal better, you never made a villain, I think it would be good for you."

Jinyoung felt his mind explode.

"Yeah, hm ... shhh-ah ..." Jinyoung's mouth opened and closed. "Wha... what ..."

Jaebum let out another laugh.

"I saw all your movies." The older confessed as he began to take small steps across the porch, looking around without focusing on anything in particular. "I needed to understand why you left." Another laugh came out of his nose. "Although I never accepted, I needed to understand." A smile filled with fond memories sprang to Jaebum's lips. "My mother was the one who took me to see them all." His fingers began to draw the wooden table. "She kept fighting with me, so I could understand, but, you know, I am a little stubborn, hm." His gaze focused on the dirt road far away. "She said I didn't stop smiling throughout the movie, even though I don't remember that." Jaebum was silent for a few seconds. "This is one of the strongest memories I have of her, and I think-" Jaebum laughed. "That I owe it to you somehow."

"Jaeb-"

"I understood." Jaebum smiled more to himself than to Jinyoung. "I understood why you left, I understood. I understood ten years ago, I just couldn't accept it. You can't blame me for that. Isn't that normal? This isn't-"

"Jaebum."

"I needed you every day, I missed you every moment, Jinyoung."

Jinyoung's interior collapsed completely. Jaebum looked at him with teary eyes, but he knew no tears would fall down. Just seeing the elder like that, knowing how much he was going against himself by letting all those words go out of his mouth, devastated Jinyoung.

"But I couldn't ask you to stay. To come back. I had to support you, dream your dream along with you. I had to be happy that you were happy." Jaebum stepped closer. "I never got any of that, Jinyoung."

Because he never accepted.

Jaebum opened his mouth to speak again, but a loud thunder echoed, causing both bodies to contract, and at the same time their faces turned to the dark sky.

Jaebum took a deep breath.

Jinyoung was breathing fast.

"I needed you when I got the call." As Jaebum began to speak, thick drops of rain fell. "All I needed most was someone with me… you..." Jaebum glanced sideways as he took a deep breath again. "... but I had no one."

The pain in Jaebum's voice was clear.

He wasn't blaming Jinyoung, he was just letting all the words, which had been stuck in his throat for four years, been released.

The rain increased in intensity with each minute of silence.

Jinyoung looked at Jaebum's face, he knew the older man thanked the rain, even though he didn't like it, but here, now, the rain didn't let the younger one know if what was running down his face were tears or drops of water.

Before Jinyoung could say anything, Jaebum ran his hands through his wet hair, threw them back, and hurried to the stairs.

Jaebum, within seconds, was already passing through the freshly dug earth, heading for the farm gate.

It took Jinyoung a while to figure out what was going on, but it didn't take him a second longer to chase Jaebum.

"Jaebum!"

Seeing something further away was becoming difficult, the rain was getting harder and harder.

"Jaebum!"

Jinyoung ran with all his might, screaming with all the air inside his lungs.

"_Jaebeom!_"

Jaebum stopped a few feet from crossing the gate.

Jinyoung reached him, stopping in front of him.

"You didn't have to accept it." Jinyoung said, shouting for his voice to be heard by Jaebum as the noise of the rain was loud around them. "It's okay if you didn't accept it." Jinyoung moved closer. "No one here is guilty of anything, we both understand all our reasons, we don’t need to accept anything."

Jaebum was looking at him. The strands of hair sticking back to his forehead, his white shirt stuck to his body.

Jinyoung moved closer, his eyes locked on Jaebum's.  Motionless .

"I'm here now." Jinyoung said quieter this time, but he knew the older one heard him. "I'm here, I'm not going anywhere anymore. "Jinyoung put a hand on Jaebum's arm." Not without first making sure that I'll be back. "

Jinyoung threw her arms around Jaebum's shoulders, hugging him as tightly as he could. Jaebum did not take long to do the same.

Ten years away, and yet there was that huge feeling inside each one of them. Ten years that, within that hug, ceased to exist.

Where Jinyoung said goodbye to Jaebum ten years ago now was where the reunion of the two best friends took place.

At fourteen, they hug was a goodbye.

At twenty-four, it was one by the reencounter of Jaebum and Jinyoung.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys like it! ~


	3. The Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey there, Mark!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mark is only a cameo (please, dont hate me for that)
> 
> hope you guys like it ~

The first thing that came to Jinyoung's face while waking up was a smile.

Not because it was Sunday or because the sun seemed to want to be present that morning, but because he had gone to sleep happily the night before.

Jinyoung walked to the wall of the large window, parting the curtains, letting the light in.

Embracing his wool robe, he opened the sliding glass door to the small balcony that had been made in his bedroom after the renovations, and breathed as he felt a little bit of sunlight beating his body.

His head hung up and he just stood there, smiling serenely and letting his body warm up a little more.

"I like the smell you get when you wake up." Jackson's voice was present, as were his arms around Jinyoung's waist as the blonde hugged him from behind. "It’s always sweet."

"It smells like sleep." Jinyoung laughed, resting the back of his head on his best friend's shoulder.

"You should sleep sweet so, which doesn't surprise me, everything you do is wonderful." Jinyoung laughed as he patted the blonde's hands intertwined on his belly. “You got a fever last night, did you take take the medicine I left on the drawer?” 

Jinyoung nodded positively. "Just like it was on the note."

"You should be gentle to me like that always."

"Gentle-Yah!" Jinyoung tried to break free and punish Jackson, but he didn't let him.

Jackson snuggled closer to Jinyoung, who smiled already knowing what he would hear.

"Did you guys settled up?"

Jinyoung laughed as he nodded in agreement.

Jackson made an excited noise. “And the kiss? Did it happened?”

Jinyoung slapped the blonde again. "It won't happen, Jackson." He turned away from his friend. "And that's not what I came back for, you know."

"I know, it's just that-"

"That was over ten years ago, Jackson, I was a confused kid who was just starting to figure out how the world works." Jinyoung crossed his arms, his gaze on the scenario ahead. “And today, being sure of how it works for me, I seriously think if my fourteen-year-old self didn't know either and used it as a trigger to make sure to get out of here.”

**••**

The city's main avenue market was happening, like every Sunday.

And like every Sunday, Jaebum was there.

Not because he had a tent there, because he really had - Youngjae, Bambam, and Yugyeom were taking care of it - but because he really enjoyed looking at each tent and buying what his fridge and pantry needed, choosing each product carefully.

Jaebum did not take two steps without greeting someone, the whole city knew him, sometimes even tourists, who also coming to the fair, that it was being known and quite popular, greeted him.

Carrying some bags in his arms, Jaebum heard his name.

Bambam and Yugyeom were coming toward him with two identical smiles on their faces. Smile that meant wanting something.

"Hyung!" Yugyeom came closer already pulling the bags from Jaebum's arms. "Why didn't you call us to help you?"

"You know carrying weight is not cool, especially for someone like you, hyung." Bambam added.

Jaebum altered the closed gaze between them.

"Someone like me?"

"Yeah, you know, old." Bambam said holding back a laugh. Yugyeom did the same.

Jaebum was trying to find something to strike at them both.

“Hyung! Hyung! ”Yugyeom said between laughs as he tried to protect Bambam and get Jaebum's attention. "Have you eaten? I know you not. Let’s together. Let's eat."

Jaebum last looked at Bambam, who was still laughing, before looking where Yugyeom was pointing.

Jaebum laughed to himself about how these two boys, even driving him mad, had already become essential parts of their daily lives, even on a Sunday off the farm.

They stopped at a fishcake stall.

"Ask, ask." Jaebum said when they found where to sit.

Bambam smiled contentedly, hugging even more the free arm Yugyeom offered him as he placed the order.

Jaebum watched the two boys with some curiosity. One was how it could be possible for two skinny boys like that to eat so much. Jaebum didn't remember if he was like that when he was eighteen, but while he was in the second fishcake himself, Yugyeom and Bambam were already in the third and still shared a breaded squid skewer. The second was a curiosity he'd had for some time, but he never asked anything about why that was normal, even though sometimes he thinks it might have a different meaning than he thinks it is.

But that does not exist. Right?

Bambam drank a can of soda for a straw, and as soon as Yugyeom offered him more of the breaded squid, he also offered to the tall boy the soda he held, eating and drinking from the other's hand.

"Hm ... You don't care- hm, the people who can look and-"

"Hyung, it's normal for people to look, you know." Yugyeom said.

“But what can they think and-”

"People can think too, hyung." Bambam said this time. “But that doesn't mean that I can't do what I want just because it will generate thoughts in people. ”

"Doesn’t wanting to do what you want, because of how people can think or react about what you have done, is not wrong?" Yugyeom looked at Jaebum with a really innocent and curious expression. "Who are doing is you, and this is about you and what you want to do, why do others have to think about it?"

Jaebum couldn't answer, so he just shook his head, taking the last bite of his snack. Leaving enough money on the table in front of the two boys, he told them to buy something for Youngjae too before returning to the tent.

The words of Bambam and Yugyeom were kept in his head, Jaebum knew that. He just couldn't understand the weight of its meaning.

Yet.

**••**

The night was beginning to come that Sunday when the first raindrops began to fall.

Jaebum chose a book, from his dozens he has on his bookshelf, when knocks on the glass of the large balcony window was heard.

It was Jinyoung, with a pizza box in one hand, a paper bag in the other, with his rain-splattered clothes and hair and a small smile on his lips.

Jaebum opened the glass door with the same smile on his face, and a little surprise in his eyes.

“Woah! Cold! Cold! Cold! ”Jinyoung said as he entered the house, handing Jaebum the pizza box as he ran toward the lit fireplace after taking off his shoes.

Jinyoung knew that if it wasn't for him to take the first step toward rebuilding their friendship, they wouldn't leave the same place.

“Yah! Come sit! ”Jinyoung called Jaebum as he pulled the quilt that was curled up on the couch so he could curl up. "The pizza was hot until minutes ago, I hit the ground and the rain fell, so I don't know how it is now."

Jaebum sat across the coffee table in his leaving room, putting the pizza box between him and Jinyoung, and opened it.

It was his favorite.

"Eat, eat!" Jaebum did. Smiling as soon as he felt it was still hot.

"It's still hot."

Jinyoung smiled before taking a bite for himself and eating too.

"Hm." Jinyoung made a noise to get Jaebum's attention. "I don't know if you still like it, but I managed to find a great brand at the convenience store here, so I hope you still drink it." Jinyoung pulled a medium glass bottle out of the paper bag. The liquid inside it was light pink.

Jaebum let out a laugh when he saw it.

"I haven't had strawberry milk in a while." Jinyoung handed him the bottle.

"If you don't want to, I brought peach tea too."

"Strawberry milk its great for me." Jaebum said, smiling with his lips closed, before opening the bottle and taking some. “It's still tasty."

“This brand is great.”

Jinyoung smiled with his eyes. Jaebum did the same.

The conversation flowed more easily than they expected. Jinyoung talked more, of course, but that didn't stop Jaebum from answering questions enthusiastically, or letting out a loud "Ah!" every time he remembered something and brought it up for conversation.

Their laughter complemented each other. It was funny to hear. Jinyoung didn't hide his laugh with his palm or try to hold back the volume of it. Jaebum laughed with his mouth open, letting his head and body hang back slightly, as they had not done for a long time.

The weather was light, easy, warm.

The subjects spoken between laughter and arched eyebrows were happy memories, good times, funny events, some very embarrassing, but only fuel for more laughter.

It seemed there was nothing else going on outside Jaebum's living room.

It was only after a message from Jackson that Jinyoung realized the time. It was already dawn.

"We didn't even see the time go by." Jinyoung said with curved lips in a small smile.

Jaebum took another sip of the tea he had just made, nodding.

"I hope you have nothing to do in the morning so you won't get tired," Jaebum said.

"It’s only in the afternoon." Jinyoung said as he ran his hands through his jeans. "I think I better go then."

The two stood up together.

"Thanks for today." Jinyoung said, Jaebum let out a laugh.

"No need to say thanks, yah."

"So I can show up whenever I want?" Jinyoung teased, making Jaebum scowl.

"I'll get sick of pizza."

"I’ll bring pork belly."

Jaebum's eyes twinkled. "You're always welcome, Jinyoung-ah."

Jinyoung’s smile was huge.

“There are two more bottles of strawberry milk in the bag I brought earlier, don't forget to put it in the fridge.”

Jaebum nodded.

"Sleep well," Jinyoung said before walking away, walking faster than usual, the rain had stopped, but it seemed like it would come back any moment.

It remained for Jaebum to watch him until he entered the grounds of his own farm.

"Thank you, Jinyoungie."

**••**

Time went by unnoticed.

It was increasingly common Jinyoung stay with Jaebum at the end of the day, eating and drinking.

Jackson attended sometimes, Yugyeom and Bambam as well.

Bambam created a great admiration for Jinyoung. The boy, whenever he could, was either in the actor's embrace or lying on his lap.

Yugyeom also admired Jinyoung, but he used a different way of expressing himself, which was usually calling Jinyoung ahjussi or taking away his patience, which made everyone around them, laugh.

Jinyoung's mom adored the boy for that.

Jaebum also gained an admirer and his name was Jackson Wang.

  
  
  


It was a sunny saturday morning, Jackson was squealing every time Jaebum dug his dibble into the soil in the Park's new garden. All of them, including Soyang, helped to plant in the space designated for the garden.

Jinyoung took the pepper seedlings out of the plastic containers and gave them to their parents to plant. Soyang watered the tomatoes and paprika seeds that Bambam and Yugyeom planted. Jaebum dug small holes in the earth so that the small papaya tree would be planted there later. Jackson, who was supposed to do the same as Jaebum, just leaned on the dibble handle and admired and shouted for his eldest.

"Jackson, go do your job." Jinyoung had already lost count of how many times he'd asked his friend.

"I'm trying, but Jaebum hyung is so handsome." Everyone laughed, even Jaebum, who had already gotten used to the blonde's personality. “How can his skin look beautiful under this sun and effort?” He really sounded curious and even a little offended. "Woah, Jaebum hyung-" He stopped talking to raise both thumbs.

"Jinyoung hyung is not far behind either." Bambam said loudly, the defiant feature to Jaebum.

"Yah!" Jaebum released impatiently. "I'll stick a papaya in your mouth, go back to what you were doing."

Bambam and Yugyeom laughed accomplices.

Jackson looked at Jinyoung, who looked back at him, lost.

"Hyung, why didn't you let Bambam talk and-" Jackson tried to speak.

"Because he said something about Jinyoung hyung's face two days ago that he doesn't want anyone to know." Yugyeom surrendered.

"Yaish!" Jaebum dropped the dibble, then started to run towards the boy, who began to run first to not to get caught.

Everyone there started laughing at the scene.

"Just don't step on my cilantro!" Mom Park shouted. She and her husband were already more than used to the jokes and teasing of the younger ones.

Near lunch, Soyang went with his parents to help prepare something for everyone to eat, leaving the five boys to work.

"Bambam, help me out here." Jinyoung asked as he took more seedlings. The younger one picked up two trays of chive seedlings, but before he walked away, Jinyoung called him. "Hm, Bambam-" the boy looked back. "What did Jaebum say?"

Bambam smirked. "He said your face was beautiful." Jinyoung chuckled. "I know this is obvious, but Jaebum hyung doesn't praise it, you know?"

Jinyoung nodded. "Come on, let's go." They went back to their business.

Jaebum and Jinyoung were the last to wash their hands on the tap below the high porch of the ranch.

"Jackson is right, your skin is still beautiful even with sunshine and sweat on you." Jinyoung teased, giving his shoulder a slight push at it, which made them both laugh.

Jaebum already had one foot on the stairs, ready to go up to the porch to eat when he heard someone call Jinyoung.

Jinyoung was right behind Jaebum when he heard a distant voice call him.

He knew that voice.

“Jinyoung!”

Jinyoung squinted and saw the figure of a man running toward him.

Mark? Mark Tuan?

_ How… How he was there? _

Even confused, Jinyoung called his name. "Mark!" He took two steps toward the older, who was a few steps away from him. “What are you doing here?”

Jinyoung didn't finish his question because Mark pulled him close, cupped his face in both hands and kissed him.

Right there. In front of everyone.

Jackson's startled scream could be heard, but that wasn't what circulated in his mind.

Jinyoung gripped Mark's wrists, which were close to his chin, and subtly pulled it away. Their mouths shortly after. It was just a sealing of lips, but still, a little bit longer.

“Mark-”

"Hyung!" Jackson's voice was by his side. He called for the older. "Hyung, let's go in first, hm." The blond grabbed him by the shoulders, forcing him to move away from Jinyoung and follow him. "You must be tired of the trip, wherever you came from." The last sentence Jackson spoke more to himself than to Mark. "You really know how to make an entrance, wow."

Jinyoung closed his eyes, took a deep breath and looked up at who he wanted to look at.

Jaebum looked at him was in utterly lost. The look in his eyes was a confused one. He was looking at Jinyoung but not really seeing him. A pout was on his lips. He glanced at Jinyoung's parents, who remained completely normal.

Jinyoung was trying to study Jaebum's face, trying to figure out what he was thinking but couldn't do much about it.

The palms of his hands were sweating.

That was nowhere near as how he wished to come out to Jaebum.

He still didn't know how he would do it, but it was no use thinking about it anymore. It had already happened.

Jaebum had just discovered that Jinyoung was gay. Mark pulled it him out of the closet in front of him.

It was Bambam's voice that broke the tension of the place, causing everyone to laugh. "Woah, Jinyoung is really my hyung."

  
  
  
  
**••**  
  
  
  
  


Two whole days have passed.

Jinyoung hadn't seen Jaebum since that afternoon, but he had chosen it that way. He did not know yet how he would talk to Jaebum.

Not that he owed an explanation, it was just ... complicated.

Jaebum lived his entire life there, on the farm and in the small town of Goyang and compared to the capital...

Goyang was small in size, inhabitants and an knowledge of "different things."

It may be hard to understand, but even in Seoul being gay is complicated. The only difference is the larger amount, and while it is still surprising or amazing to know that there are gay men in Korea, there are more “ways” of communication in the capital and even a smaller acceptance.

But Jaebum? He must never have seen two people of the same gender kissing, or even having contact with anything or anyone familiar with it. The mess on his head might be big, which is why Jinyoung had not yet gone to talk to him.

But he also had fear.

Jinyoung was afraid of being rejected by Jaebum, of his friendship not being accepted now that the elder knows about himself.

It was frustrating. Why it is has to happen right now that he had regained Jaebum's friendship?

Right now that things were fit in into its place.

It was obvious that Jinyoung would tell him he was gay, he just didn't want it to be the way it was: in fright, but a part of himself thanked what Mark had done, it was better now than later, when Jaebum and Jinyoung were with their friendship even stronger.

_ Urgh, this is so complicated! Why is this so complicated? _

That was just what came to Jinyoung's mind at that moment.

Lying on his bed, staring at the high, clear ceiling, Jinyoung shifted restlessly on his bed.

_ What I'll do? What I'll do? _

Jackson entered the room just as Jinyoung was putting a pillow over his face to stifle a scream.

"I see you've made a lot of progress." The blonde said amused.

"That must be funny to you," Jinyoung said after removing the pillow from her face. "Laugh more, I hope you laugh until your jaw hurts and you die."

Jackson laughed harder.

"I'm laughing, but somehow I managed to get Mark Hyung's flight forward for tomorrow." The blonde lay beside his friend as he spoke.

“You can live.” Jinyoung turned to Jackson and hugged him, burying his face in his chest. "What I'll do?"

"The beard first." Jackson let out a small laugh as he stroked Jinyoung's dark hair. "Then you will eat enough for those days that you did not eat well and yes, then you will have to talk to Mark Hyung, nor your mother or I can hold the man anymore so he won't come here."

Jinyoung took a deep breath, forcing his body to move away from Jackson and get out of bed.

“You will be able to solve everything, Jinyoung-ah! Everything will work out, okay? ”

Jinyoung smiled at his friend before entering the bathroom.

**••**

It was night and Jaebum was in the only place open at that time in the city: the Hyunwoo’s Bar.

He was already in his third mug of beer and had lost count of how many times the same thoughts circulated in his head.

Hyunwoo stopped in front of him, across the counter, looking at his friend who had come since childhood, while drying glass mugs.

"Hard day, hm?"

Jaebum looked up at his friend, shaking his head in affirmation.

“It's been a long time since you were here, is everything okay with the farm?”

Jaebum nodded once more before sipping the last sip of beer from his mug.

"I hear Jinyoung is back."

Jaebum let out a low laugh. The beer starting to show some effect.

His gaze locked with Hyunwoo's as he spoke. “_There's my problem_.” His hand hit the counter lightly.

Jaebum scrambled to sit at the tables near the window, waiting for some wind to hit his face.

The bell at the door of the bar rang, indicating that someone was entering, and even with his eyes closed, Jaebum knew who it was. The high-pitched laugh was Yugyeom's trademark.

Crossing his arms, Jaebum looked at the two tall figures who leaned on the counter, smiling at Hyunwoo, who was smiling back.

"Is Kihyun hyung working today?" Bambam asked.

"Yeah, just storing a few things in the back." Hyunwoo answered in his usual friendly voice. "By the way ..." The barkeeper pointed to where Jaebum was sitting, leading the two young men to look in the direction.

"Oh!"

"Hyung!"

Bambam and Yugyeom marched happily to where Jaebum was, sitting on the bench in front of him.

"We didn't know it was here, we could have come before." Yugyeom said.

"Drinking alone is boring," Bambam added.

"But that's the reason I'm here." Jaebum said in a single tone.

"Glad we arrived then." Bambam returned, smiling sarcastically at Jaebum.

"Kihyun hyung!" Yugyeom called, and soon he came to their table.

“You took long today! The same?"

Bambam nodded, prompting Kihyun to walk away.

Jaebum just watched the two boys in front of him talking and laughing together at what one or the other was talking about.

He also noticed their eyes on himself.

"Um, hyung ..." Yugyeom began.

"About that with Jinyoung Hyung-" Bambam's question was interrupted by Jaebum.

"I don't want to talk about it." he said quickly. He took a deep breath. "Not here."

"Will you talk to him?" Bambam asked.

Jaebum took a deep breath once more. "What do I have to talk to him?" Jaebum looked away.

"Hyung, you know, it's normal-"

“Is it?” Jaebum interrupted the younger again. His breathing a little more faster. He didn't want to sound harsh, but the doubts and questions kept conflicting in his head.

"Yes, it is." Bambam answered in a neutral, firm voice. "I know it scares, the new is scare, but that doesn't mean it's bad or out of the ordinary."

Jaebum locked his gaze on the youngest for a small fraction of time, then turned away.

"Hyung." It was Yugyeom who called this time. Jaebum looked at him. "People like Jinyoung hyung are special." Yugyeom smiled when his gaze met Jaebum's. “They like people for what they are inside, what they are made of, regardless of how they are outside.” Jaebum was watching him intently. "Jinyoung hyung must be the same as you, maybe even worse."

"He came back here for the purpose of having your friendship back too and you have seen that side of him that he had not yet told you about, what must have scared him too." Bambam added.

There was a quick silence between them three, broken by the clatter of glasses Kihyun set on the table. Three beer mugs and three glasses with a shot of Soju.

“Is it everything okay around here?” Kihyun felt the tension.

Bambam smiled at the elder. Picking up the shot glass, dropping it into the beer mug before speaking. "It's all right, its just only Jaebum Hyung who discovered gay men a few days ago."

Jaebum gasped alone in the air as Kihyun laughed.

"It was shocking to my parents too, Jaebum-ah, but you'll get used to it." Kihyun said as he squeezed one of Jaebum's shoulders, pulling away shortly after hearing his name being called from another table.

Bambam and Yugyeom laughed together at the confused look Jaebum had on his face.

"Gradually you will get things better, hyung, it's only a matter of time." Bambam said before drinking from his mug.

**••**

On Saturday morning, the Park’s family, Jackson, and Mark were having breakfast at the porch deck table.

Jinyoung had a brighter expression on his face, which left both Jackson and his mother relieved.

While Jackson helped Soyang clear the table and Mom and Dad Park said their goodbyes to go downtown, Mark and Jinyoung went to a walk around the farmland near the newly planted adult apple trees.

Mark brought his hand to Jinyoung's, intertwining them.

Jinyoung said nothing, just left, his attention still on the trees.

"I hope they like the soil and bear fruit soon." Jinyoung said excitedly, even though there was no clear animation in his voice.

“Jinyoungie.” Hearing his name that way in Mark's voice was common. "Do you intend to stay here for how long?" Jinyoung looked at him confused. "You know, not going back to Seoul, not acting anymore."

“No, I intend to go back.” Seeing the relieved smile on Mark's face somehow didn't lighten the weight Jinyoung had on himself. "But not for now." Jinyoung looked back at the apple trees. "For now I want to stay here, help my parents, enjoy again what I left behind."

Mark shook his head, pressing his lips together.

"So you-"

"Mark hyung." Jinyoung interrupted him. "Please, tell me why you came." Jinyoung's voice sounded steady. "Why did you try to know my address here in Goyang."

"I thought-" This time Mark stopped speaking for himself. “It was silly, huh? I just thought you could- ”

"I was always clear with you, hyung." Jinyoung blurted out. “I always said that what we had couldn't go forward because I had pending things from my past that I needed to work it out.” Jinyoung looked at the older one. "You accepted before and accepted when I asked us to stop seeing each other, so why?"

"That's kind of selfish, don't you think?" Mark said sharply.

"It is. I know it is, but I can no longer apologize for something I've apologized before and that you knew from the beginning.”

“Why did you stay locked in your room for two days after I arrived?” Mark couldn't hold the question that had been in his head for days.

“Because what you did when you arrived may have ended my chance to resolve something pending from my past.”

Jinyoung let out a breath as he let his head hang on his chest.

"_It's not ended_." A third voice was present.

Jinyoung jerked his head up, looking at the owner of the voice just a few steps away.

"I can understand now," Mark said, his eyes locked on Jinyoung's face.

Yes, he could understand now. The glow in us Jinyoung's eyes looking at the owner of the voice made him understand.

"Sorry about anything, Jinyoung."

Mark didn't wait for an answer, just bowed his head in greeting and strode away.

Jaebum approached.

It was crazy how Jinyoung's heart was at the moment.

"Apparently two eighteen-year-olds know more about life than me and they made me understand." Jaebum said as he stood in front of Jinyoung. "I can understand you, even though it's all new to me." Jaebum laughed weakly. “You are still you, aren't you? Nothing changes for you being- ”Jaebum paused to find the right word. "You."

Jinyoung smiled small at the choice.

"No, it doesn't change."

Jaebum smiled, making his eyes narrow, leaving his two moles, below of one of his eyebrows, prominent.

Jinyoung couldn't help but smile along.

"So I'm a pending issue from your past?" Jaebum said, feigning hurt. "I thought you considered me more, Jinyoungie."

And that was the reason.

Hearing his name that way from Jaebum's voice was the reason.

"I consider." Jinyoung said with his gaze locked on Jaebum's.

_ He considered even more than he knew he could. _

Jinyoung laughed through his nose. “It’s all right then? Friends? ”He offered a hand for Jaebum to shake.

What Jaebum didn't understand was why when he held the hand Jinyoung offered, he didn’t shake it, but pull the Jinyoung's body into a hug.

He just wanted to do it. He wanted Jinyoung's body in the middle of his arms, leaning against his chest, and the way Jinyoung hugged him back, so wanting too.

"Is there something else I should know that I don't know yet?" Jaebum asked with his mouth close to Jinyoung's hair.

Jinyoung shook his head, hugging Jaebum even tighter as he laid his head on one of the older man's shoulders.

"You still smell like I remember." Jinyoung said quietly. "Lavender and repellent." Jaebum laughed, making his laughter echo through Jinyoung's body through his own. "I like it."

  
  
  


Jaebum's smile was lost between Jinyoung's hair.


	4. Fade Away

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> something happen ehe

Staying until dawn at Hyunwoo's bar didn't interfere when Jaebum woke up on Saturday.

He already had a decision in his mind, and yet still apprehensive, he would make it.

It wasn't apprehension about what he had decided, but about how he would face something new. New information.

The steps were decided while heading to the Park farm.

Jaebum only had a half of cup of coffee, but he was awake enough.

He was heading toward the staircase that led to the porch and back door of Jinyoung's farmhouse when he saw him standing with someone, walking farther down the fruit trees.

So he went there.

He didn't hear the whole conversation, but he knew Jinyoung was talking about him.

And Jaebum didn't want Jinyoung to think that the chance to resolve something pending from his past was over.

It wasn't over. Proof of this was that Jaebum was there. He had come.

What Jaebum didn't understand at the time was the reason he had pulled Jinyoung into a hug.

He knows why now. He just ... didn't want to leave any doubts.

Things were going normally. What changed now was that Jaebum had a person of constant presence in his life. It was like Jinyoung had never left. Ten years that now don't seem to have existed.

Almost every night they were in front of the fireplace in Jaebum's house, or in the kitchen eating whatever Jinyoung brought.

Jaebum had also been included back in the Park family, and that had brought back the warm feeling he hadn't felt in years. Mama Park spoiled him more than she spoiled Jinyoung, which made the actor feign irritation whenever Jaebum was around.

Oh, and Nora had a new favorite person. The cat would not leave Soyang's lap, which, even for Jaebum, was new, because the cat wasn't very adept with laps and would rather just lean on the cushions of the couch and look like she was no longer patient with his delay to feed her.

Jinyoung had become part of Jaebum's routine. He and his family. Just as Jaebum had become the same to the actor.

Jaebum, when he needed help or wanted to talk to Bambam and Yugyeom and could not find them around, he was sure to meet them at the Park farm.

Or when he called them both to lunch and they replied that they had already eaten with Jinyoung.

"You know, hyung, Jinyoung hyung's mom's food can't be denied."

That's what they always said. Yugyeom even said one day that Jaebum's food was bad near what mother Park did, but soon withdrew what he said when Jaebum threatened not to make the dumplings that the younger liked so much.

Due to Jinyoung's proximity to the youngers, Jaebum was noticing a few things.

Jinyoung was still someone who expressed himself better in contact than in words. He was always hugging Bambam, and even with the healthy pet peeve he and Yugyeom had created for each other, he was also, whenever he could, hugging or stroking the younger’s hair.

Jinyoung still had the habit of putting his palm in front of his mouth when he laughed and he could still let his gaze convey exactly what was inside his head.

“Hyung.” A voice snapped him out of his thoughts. Jaebum looked at the barn door, seeing Yugyeom there. “The order for hydrangeas and carnations just came out.”

Jaebum shook his head, picking up the two envelopes on his desk, meeting the younger one. “Where is Bambam?”

"Guarding the forklift."

Jaebum opened his mouth to speak, but the approaching car noise interrupted him.

It was Jinyoung's truck.

Jaebum's smile was low, but it was clear on his face.

"It's still strange to see you like this ..." Yugyeom let it out and Jaebum looked at him. "You know, happy."

"Yaish-" The elder threatened to kick him as he clenched his jaw. He was ready to complain, or curse Yugyeom more, but preferred to let his attention wander to the newcomer.

Jinyoung got out of his truck carrying two plastic bags, with a bright smile on his face.

He looked at Jaebum's hands and then at the approaching Yugeyom and Bambam.

"I arrived at a good time, hm?!" Jinyoung referred to the envelopes. "Go take a shower and save your salary well, then come back, Jaebum is going to do barbecue for us." Yugyeom and Bambam shouted excitedly, going to shake the boss by the shoulder. "But first help Jackson with the beers, please, he just looks strong."

"I heard this!"

Jaebum looked at Jinyoung with raised eyebrows as they walked away.

"Jackson is going to Seoul tomorrow and I brought pork belly." Jinyoung said suggestively as he lifted one of the bags he was holding.

"You know my weaknesses so well."

"Which I find amazing." Jinyoung's voice was provocative. He took the initiative to began to walk first, going to Jaebum's house.

"So you will never surprise me." Jaebum thought he had won.

"I have other ways for this, _Beom-ah_."

Yes. Jaebum just thought he had won.

  
  
  


The late afternoon was still clear, which made the sky even prettier, making Jackson's little farewell party better.

The large wooden table on the lawn at the back of Jaebum's house was almost full of stuff on top. Two large pots with vegetables, small ceramic bowls with side dishes, water bottles, napkins and crockery.

"I like my meat medium, hyung." Bambam said as soon as he arrived, bouncing past Jaebum and heading toward Jinyoung, tucking himself into the older man's hug.

Jaebum grunted, making them laugh.

"Need help, hyung?" Yugyeom offered, but Jaebum saw that it wasn't for him the question. The younger one approached Jinyoung too.

"No, I don't need help, ah!" He spoke louder than usual, causing more laughter.

"It's not personal, hyung." Bambam tried to redeem himself. "It's because I washed my hair and there has smoke."

Jaebum rolled his eyes.

“Leave the boys, do you really need help? I can help. ”Jinyoung offered as he approached.

Jaebum looked at him, locking his gaze with Jinyoung's for a quick second, then turning his attention to the roasting meat before him. "No."

The denial came out in a subtle way, only being heard by Jinyoung.

"Park-nim!" Jackson called. Jinyoung looked at him and smiled when he saw his friend offer him a bottle of beer.

Jinyoung ran toward the blonde, grabbing the bottle, and he and Jackson, who also had one, toasted, slamming it, opening them at the same time, and taking the first sip together.

“Woah! Amazing! ”Yugyeom and Bambam said together, amazed at the toast of the two hyungs.

"Yugie, let's try some cool stuff like that too." Bambam asked with his eyes sparkling excitedly.

"We already do a lot of cool stuff together, Mook." Yugyeom tried to reason, his voice sly.

"But we don't do that." Bambam sat next to his friend, but inclined to keep his back to him.

"We'll try later." Yugyeom said quietly, his face close to one of Bambam's ears as he hugged him from behind before speaking.

Jinyoung and Jackson looked at each other, smiling and shaking their heads in understanding.

“I have some meat ready over here.”

"I'll get it!" Bambam said excitedly, running toward Jaebum.

“Beom-ah! Come eat too, if we want more, we do some more after, come! ”Jinyoung called.

“Yes, hyung! Gyeomi does, he didn't wash his hair. ”Bambam said tugging at the boss as he held the meat tray firmly.

They began to eat amid laughter and toasts with the beer bottles.

The weather was light and calm.

The sky gradually darkened.

Jinyoung made a wrap of meat and kimchi for Jackson, which made Bambam and Yugyeom ask for one as well.

"Do you want one too, Jaebeom-ah?" Jinyoung offered holding back a laugh. Jaebum looked at him with narrowed eyes.

"Everybody got one from Jinyoung hyung, it's your turn now, hyung." Yugyeom said laughing.

Jinyoung started to do it, but put only two pieces of pork inside.

"You missed the kimchi, hyung."

Before Jaebum answered, Jinyoung did. “He doesn't like soy fermented kimchi.”

Jaebum looked at him in surprise, a smile on his lips.

Jinyoung just folded the lettuce around the meat and offered it to Jaebum, but Jackson spoke earlier.

"In his mouth, with hands are no fun." The blonde said amused.

"But everyone got it into their hands." Jaebum countered.

"But this is going to be my parting gift, hyung." Jackson smiled and Jaebum rolled his eyes.

Jinyoung smiled as he carried the wrap of lettuce to Jaebum's mouth, which opened it.

Their eyes locked on each other.

Jinyoung's fingers lightly touched Jaebum's lips, and this led to an electrical shock throughout Jaebum's body. 

Jaebum was startled by his own reaction.

He looked at his own hands on his thigh. If he could, he would be looking inside himself, trying to understand what was going on with him.

He felt Jackson's gaze on him and looked at the blonde who had a questioning feature on his face. Jaebum looked at him the same way, because he had not understood either. Jackson smiled comfortingly.

Jinyoung didn't notice anything, because he smiled and laughed at what Bambam and Yugyeom were saying.

**••**

It had been a week since Jackson had returned to Seoul, and things were still going smoothly and routinely.

It was Friday night and Jinyoung couldn't get out of bed since morning.

He was, at least, better than when he woke up in the morning. His mother's congee always made any flu getting better.

But the fever still remained, even weak, as well as the headache. So staying in bed was still the best option.

His head was almost under the comforter when a knock on the door sounded. Jinyoung did not need to warn that he could enter, because the door was already opening.

Jaebum carefully entered the room, closing the door behind him with as little noise as possible. His steps were silent as he approached the bed.

Jinyoung lowered the duvet to his waist in one go, startling Jaebum, who jumped.

“Yaish-” Even the almost cursing came in a low tone. "I thought you were sleeping."

"And came to watch over my sleep?" Jinyoung smiled weakly.

"I came to see if everything was okay." Jaebum smiled back. "You didn't show up all day, nor when it gets dark, I thought something was wrong."

"The flu."

"See? Something wrong. ”Jaebum blinked one eye.

"Are my parents down there?"

"Yes, your mother made me come up."

"So you wouldn't come here on your own?" Jinyoung feigned outrage.

"Maybe." Jaebum said and looked around. "I think I would go up just to see what you had changed in your room." Jaebum walked toward the door and glass windows that overlooked the balcony. “The house was amazing with the changes, even though they were small, it was made what was already beautiful even more, but with yours personality as well.”

Jinyoung smiled, even though Jaebum couldn't see. "Your house still has a lot of your mother." Jinyoung saw the reflection of the glass Jaebum's gaze. "Even though you have remodeled the whole house, there is still a lot of her in there, you may not realize it, but you ended up making a home the way she wanted." Jinyoung sat up, propping his back against the padded headboard of his bed. "I remember how much she said she wanted a high ceiling with varnished wood beams, that was like, her biggest dream." Jaebum let out a faint laugh from his nose.

"When her friends said they had or were going to renovate, she would love to know that they would put wooden beams on the ceiling, and who didn't, she thought it was a waste of money and felt sorry," Jaebum said in a calm voice. "The rafters were in the barn, my father cut them and made them all ready to be put on her dreamed high ceiling." 

"Finding the rafters was the reason I cried for the first time after their burial." Jinyoung struggled to his feet, reaching for Jaebum, squeezing his shoulders affectionately. Jaebum glanced back, locking his gaze on Jinyoung's, smiling weakly begore looking forward again. “It's okay to talk about it now.” One of his hands went to meet Jinyoung's on his shoulder. “I don't know if it's you, but now, here, it's easier. I don't have to force myself to try anything, I can- ”a laugh came out of Jaebum's nose. "I can be myself with you, I don't have to pretend, as always."

Jinyoung smiled, bringing his hands into Jaebum's arms so that his chin was rested on his shoulder.

They were silent for a while.

It was just a mute understanding between them two, as was the enjoyment of company.

And it was obvious that Jinyoung would break the silence first.

"Can we stay like this for a while?" He asked, closing his eyes and laying his head on Jaebum's shoulder. "You are so warm, it’s so good."

Jaebum laughed, turning around in a second, catching Jinyoung off guard, which makes him almost fall, and what makes Jaebum hold him in his arms, bringing him against his body in a burst.

Their eyes lock on each other. And do not deviate.

Even for a few seconds, it seems as if time has stopped.

Jinyoung does not know if the fever has increased or if the heat he feels inside is enough for it to pass.

Jaebum don’t know why, but looking away from Jinyoung is the hardest thing to do in the world.

**••**

“Hyung! Hyung! Hyung! ”Yugyeom and Bambam rush towards Jinyoung as soon as they spot him entering the Im farm grounds.

"Jaebum hyung told us you were sick when we met him at the fair yesterday." Yugyeom began.

“Do you feel better?” The boys' worried tone moved Jinyoung, who pulled them both into a hug.

"I'm better, yes, thanks for the concern." Jinyoung smiled. "Your boss is a great nurse." The two young men looked back. Jinyoung didn't see the smirk they had on their faces.

"You two have no work to do, do you?!" Jaebum asked as he approached.

“But Jinyoung hyung-”

"It's still me who pays your salary." Jaebum cut off their protest. “Go, we have a bunch of roses to prepare today.”

Yugyeom and Bambam backed away with a pout on their lips and stamped their feet.

Jinyoung smiled at the scene.

"Are you better?" Jaebum asked worriedly.

"Yes, I am." Jinyoung smiled at him. "I didn't lie when I said you was a great nurse."

Jaebum smiled back.

"And what brings you here so early?"

“I was wondering if the owner of the farm that produces the best lavender flower could give me some new twigs, the ones I got days ago have already dried up.

Jaebum smiled so much that his eyes almost closed.

"Yes, he can.”

Jinyoung followed Jaebum to the lavender field in silence. Which was not uncomfortable at all.

It was always pleasing to his eye to see Jaebum in his modus operandi.

The way the older man pulled the gloves out of his back pocket, wearing them quickly and without missing a finger - which, for Jinyoung, who always made mistakes, was amazing - the way his face in seconds turned serious and concentrated, or the way his eyebrows almost knit together when he frowned.

Jinyoung wished he could see all the different shapes Jaebum had.

"Here." Jaebum said as he had just tied the lavender branches together by a braided hay. “Take these lilies to your mother too, I know it is her favorites.” He repeated the tying process.

Jinyoung grinned, receiving the flowers in his arms. "Will you always be like this?" Jinyoung let out. Jaebum looked at him confused. "Making my heart race."

Jaebum laughed, lowering his head, which he doesn't know if he was really amused or if looking into Jinyoung's eyes at that moment was difficult.

“Do you need anything else?” Jaebum turned his gaze to the actor.

"No." Jinyoung said sweet. "That's all for today." Smiling, the actor approached Jaebum, leaving a kiss on his cheek.

A kiss in which he let the skin of Jaebum's face feel the softness of his lips .

“A thank you for the flowers and the weekend, hm ?!” Grinning sideways, Jinyoung turned, heading toward the path to his house and away from Jaebum.

Moving away from a totally still Jaebum, thoughts curling and tumbling in his head and one cheek tingling.

Jinyoung was like that too.

He also made Jaebum's heart race.

**••**

It was Sunday, and as usual, Jaebum was at the town fair.

He hadn't bought much, just some fruit and a portion of Mrs. Choi's Tteokbokki, which were the best in town.

Arriving at the end of the street where the fair was taking place, Jaebum saw a familiar truck parked there.

As he approached, he saw Jinyoung more clearly, he looked down, and when Jaebum came closer, he saw that the actor was doing something his cell phone.

"Don't you answer the phone?" Jinyoung said as Jaebum approached the driver's door, which startled him.

"Yah!" Jaebum exclaimed. "I don't answer calls on weekends."

"Must have more than ten missed calls from me."

"Are you a needy, Jinyoungie?" Jaebum thinned his voice, teasing.

Jinyoung smiled, joking. "I am. Would you keep me company? ”He leaned over in the door window.

"It depends where you will take me."

"Come in here, you will find out soon."

"I only have grapes and Tteokbokki." Jaebum showed the bags.

"I have strawberry milk." Jinyoung pointed to the paper bag on the passenger side floor.

"We can go wherever you want, then."

Jinyoung smiled wide opne, but Jaebum didn't see him as he returned the truck to get in.

  
  


"Woah." Jaebum exclaimed as soon as he realized where Jinyoung had taken them. “I haven't come here for-”

"Ten years?" Jinyoung turned off the truck and looked at him.

"Ten years." Jaebum looked back at him as he answered.

"Somehow, I knew it."

“Is this part of your other ways to surprise me?” Jaebum's tone was amusing, even a little teasing, as he got out and go to the front of the truck.

Jinyoung followed him with his eyes, a smile with his lips together on his face.

"Maybe," he said as he stopped next to the older one. "Yes or no, but a maybe." Jinyoung said as his gaze was locked on the large lake in front of him.

When they were younger, they both always swimming around there. Weekend mornings were always spent here, playing and laughing in the water. Sometimes just the two, sometimes with more friends.

Their respective mothers, whenever they wanted to know them are, and if they weren't in each other's house, them always knew that they would be there, in the lake.

Jinyoung took a deep breath before taking off his shirt at once. He was unbuttoning his pants when he looked at Jaebum, seeing that the older had the look on himself.

“What?” Jinyoung unzipped his jeans, bending down to carefully pull it by his feet. "Aren't you going in?"

The actor put his clothes on the hood of the truck before starting to walk toward the lake. He only wore a light blue cotton underwear.

Jaebum took long seconds to get back to himself and start taking off his clothes as well.

_ But Jinyoung's back was so ... firm. _

Jaebum wished he couldn't let his gaze drift all the way to Jinyoung's exposed skin, but again, he couldn't understand his wishes and thoughts.

And great, Jaebum had to be with a black boxer, and even though it was of an acceptable length, he was totally … tight.

"Nice choice for today." Jinyoung, who was already in the lake, the water pounding at his waist, gestured with his chin toward Jaebum.

The older one muttered a low curse, making Jinyoung laugh briefly.

They dived together, laughing at each other. It was good to be back there.

"Black looks good on you." Jinyoung said after a quick silence. He wet his hands and ran them through his hair, throwing it back.

"Do you want to stop?" Jaebum splashed some water on Jinyoung.

"Sorry." The actor apologized while smiling. "Force of habit."

Jaebum laughed weakly through his nose, leaving his gaze on the small waves that rocked his body.

"What's it like?" Jinyoung stared at him without understanding. “How is your life in Seoul?”

"Oh." Jinyoung took a deep breath. "It's good," he began. "Everything is within and easy reach it." Jinyoung laughed. "It's faster, definitely faster." Jaebum looked at him. "Many things happen at the same time."

"Is it good over there?"

"I like how bright there is." Jinyoung smiled simple. “What I don't like it so much it is the huddle of people. There are always a lot of people everywhere. ”

Jaebum nodded in understanding, turning his gaze to the surface of the water.

"And how is-" Jaebum stopped, not finding the right words to complete the question. “How is your life over there? Your life with people- ”Jaebum took a deep breath, inaudible. "With people just like you."

Jinyoung looked at him intently.

Jaebum did not look at him, but he could feel what the older man really meant to ask with that. There was no malice in the way Jaebum had referred to him.

"It's hard to find any-" He grinned as he used Jaebum's words. "Someone like me over there." Jinyoung was still looking at him. “I think all over the country, this is not a really well-received place.” Jaebum still wasn't looking at him. “There are places to go, to find people who are the same in their preferences and orientations, but it's not something I go to anymore.” Jinyoung laughed. “I went a lot when I found myself. When I understood that the doubts and strange thoughts, actually, were not stranger at all. ”He smiled to himself. “I just liked boys and that's nothing stranger to me. Not any more."

“When did you start to realize that-”

"When I saw you kissing the Lee's daughter behind the church." Jaebum looked at him instantly. Jinyoung laughed weakly. "I wasn't jealous or angry about it, even if I should, because Hyuri said she liked me for the whole school." Jinyoung looked at his own hands underwater. "I wasn't angry at the kiss, but I got angry because_ I wanted to be where she was._"

"I was selfish about one more thing when I left." Jinyoung continued. “What also reinforced me to making the decision to leave here was because I didn't know how to see you anymore, everything was all so confusing and-”

Jinyoung couldn't talk anymore.

Jaebum's lips were in his.

It wasn't rude, but it wasn't subtle either. It was so firm and fitting that doesn’t has a part that wasn’t stuck together.

The softness of Jinyoung's mouth in the warmth of Jaebum's.

Jinyoung put both hands on Jaebum's shoulders, weakly forcing him to pull away.

"Jaebeom."

"Sorry I-"

"Why?" Jinyoung said with his voice stuck in his throat. "I don't want your pity, I don't want you-"

"Because I wanted to." Jaebum said quietly, but enough for Jinyoung to hear clearly. “I may not know yet why I wanted to, but I wanted.” Jaebum ended the distance between them. One of his hands went to Jinyoung's face. “I want, Jinyoung. I want."

Jinyoung preferred to throw it all up as soon as he wrapped his arms around Jaebum's neck, back to glued their mouths, tilting his head perfectly to start a real kiss.

Jaebum answered at the same moment, letting his tongue be the first to find Jinyoung's lips.

The touch of their mouths, the contour that Jaebum's tongue makes on Jinyoung's lips, as if he had known them for a lifetime.

Just one closing of his eyes was enough for Jinyoung to fade away and start again in that hug that Jaebum was giving him. One hand on his hip, holding him close, and the other hand on his face. The thumb firmly on his cheek and the other fingers holding the nape of his neck.

Jaebum's tongue was warm, and he sought more and more contact and response from Jinyoung. It was a silent reaffirmation, or a searching for accurate answers.

The need that his teeths holds his lips between them was not stark, but it was perfect. The way their will was expressed more and more that a pull of a lip being sucked into the other's mouth was a veiled realization. That was real, as they always knew it that would be happen.

Maybe they did.

Maybe the kiss that was going on was telling them that this was always bound to happen.

They do not know when, nor how, they parted.

If was the cold of the night coming. If it was any other reason.

Jaebum and Jinyoung couldn't take their eyes off each other. Not when they came out of the lake, not when they dried and dressed.

Jinyoung opened his mouth to try to speak, but Jaebum had already interrupted him.

“If either of us wants to pretend it didn't happen tomorrow, then let me ...”

“I can only kiss you. Don't ask me more than that. ”Jinyoung's voice was broken. He was in such a great internal conflict and the taste of Jaebum was still all over his mouth. That would never work.

"I don't ask for more than that."

Jinyoung took a deep breath, more inwards than exhaling, and let Jaebum kiss him again.

He wanted that so badly.

God, he still wants it. It's just what he wants.

But he can’t.

He cannot do this to Jaebum, he cannot afford to do that to himself or to Jaebum.

If he didn't come back now, once on the way, it was impossible to come back. He knew that.

But how could he ratiocinate when the warmth of Jaebum's body warmed him while the older man's mouth numbed him with the best kiss that he had ever received in his life?  


Jinyoung had really found his downfall. He had found it 24 years ago.

_ And it was Im Jaebum. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you are enjoying :)))


	5. Tomorrow, Today

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay :3 the adult life is very complicated to live
> 
> That was a +18/ smut scene towards the end. 
> 
> Hope you like it!!

It was pretty obvious that Jinyoung was avoiding Jaebeom.

It had been days since he had gone to the older's farm, not even to take the lunchboxes his mother prepared.

It's not because he didn't want to meet Jaebeom or didn't know how to act after the kiss. It’s just… he did not know how he would react to seeing the man he always loved after kissing him.  
  


It was difficult, because Jinyoung always thought that the kiss would never be more than his teenage dream. His first love that didn't work - because first loves never work -.  
  


Jinyoung had already accepted that in his mind.

  
But why did Jaebeom have to kiss him and put an end to everything he took years to build inside his head and heart?

  
He never thought of what it would be if he was returned. And now he was there, lying on his bed looking at the ceiling, totally lost, not knowing where to take his thoughts.

  
It was a huge conflict within him. His heart had already knocked down all the walls that held his feelings for Jaebum, making his heart rate faster, while his mind made him see all the possibilities that that kiss would bring, but he knew that only two real possibilities existed: or he would stay with Jaebeom or I would lose him. Again.

  
He couldn't bear to lose Jaebum again, but he also couldn't be with a confused, needy, and someone who was clearly with mixing feelings, Jaebeom. He would not be a target of Jaebeom's pity, much less of his confusion.

  
At least Jinyoung was sure of one thing: he would be hurt with all the possibilities.

  
Everything was so much easier when only Jinyoung's imagination made him see him kissing Jaebeom.

  
Now he still tastes his friend's kiss on his lips, making him want to kiss him again.

_  
Jaebeom-ah, why did you do that? _

**••**

“Hyung, it's the third time just today that you break a ceramic vase. Is something going on? ” Bambam came up to his boss, asking quietly. Jaebum looked at him vaguely.

  
"I'm sorry, I'll pay more attention."

  
"Hyung." Bambam stopped the eldest from moving away. "You've been like this for days."

  
Jaebum looked at him again, shaking his head in understanding, and then walking away.

  
"Did he say anything?" Yugyeom approached Bambam after Jaebum was far enough, near the lavender field.

  
Bambam shook his head. "He was never like that… that lost."

  
"Jinyoung hyung hasn't been here in a few days, huh?" Yugyeom said in a suggestive voice.

  
"Do you think-" Bambam stopped talking and looked at Yugyeom. "They are pretty obvious, right?"

  
"And they both have their own reasons for that, at least Jinyoung hyung seems to have it." Yugyeom took Bambam's hand and caressed it subtly. "Jaebum hyung just wants to understand himself and doesn't know where to start."

  
Bambam smiled. "You understand him so much."

  
"Jaebum hyung gave me what I never had." Yugyeom smiled to himself. “He gave me a family. It gave me a future. ” He looked at Bambam. "He gave me you."

  
Bambam smiled, interlacing Yugyeom's hand. "Do you want to help?"

  
"Not this time. This is something he needs to know for himself. ”

  
Bambam nodded, smiling proudly at his boyfriend.

  
"Come on, we have dozens of roses to deliver." Yugyeom said ashamed that Bambam was looking at him intensely.

  
"I will go anywhere with you."

  
"Bam-ie!"

**••**

"Your mom called me to say that you haven't been out of the room for days." Jackson's voice came through the cell phone that Jinyoung was supporting in one ear. "Are you preparing for some new role that I don't know or-"

  
"He kissed me." Jinyoung said in a thicker voice than usual. "He took me to the lake that we used to play as kids and just kissed me." Jinyoung felt a lump forming in his throat. "He said he wanted that, Jackson!" The voice grew. "He said he wanted to kiss me, even though he didn't know why!" A growl escaped Jinyoung's throat. "Jackson, I can still taste him in my mouth, even though it's been almost a whole week.” His voice toned down. “This is killing me, Seunie."

  
"I never heard you say my name that often." Jackson joked.

  
"I'm about to go crazy and you-"

  
"Jinyoung, haven't you seen him since the kiss?"

  
"Yes."

  
"He said he wanted to kiss you even though he didn't know why he wanted to?"

  
"Jackson, I already-"

  
“Didn't it occur to you, at any time, that he must be in the same or even worse situation than yours now?”

  
Jinyoung jumped up, sitting up straight. "What-"

  
"Jinyoung, you already knew your feelings before, and mainly, you know that there is nothing strange or wrong about wanting to kiss another man." Jackson took a deep breath. "Jaebum doesn't know any of this."

  
"Jackson."

  
"Yes, I know that you have thought about everything, pondered a lot, and that you are even convinced that you will end up hurt by this, but did you, at all, came to think that Jaebum is scared by this situation?" Jinyoung let out a tearful grunt. "He never thought of wanting to kiss a man, and when it happened, he went there and did it, and apparently, he was rejected."

  
"But I do not-"

  
"You haven't seen him in a week, since the kiss, Nyong, he must be feeling like a huge shit for thinking he screwed up." Jackson spoke more subtly. "He only has you, he has no one else."

  
“This is my biggest fear, he is using this lack for something that is not for him. That maybe he is so needy that he may be using this, my- this ... ”

  
"He's not using your sexuality as a trigger to keep you around, Jinyoung." Jackson took a deep breath. “Go talk to him, for your sake. For the both of you.”

  
"Okay."

  
"But before, go shaving."

  
"Fuck you, I'm not going to kiss him again!"

  
"But I didn't even say anything about kissing, Jinyoung." Jackson laughed. "Does your beard grow really fast, doesn't it?"

  
"I hate you."

  
"You know you don't." Jackson laughed. "See you next month, take care."

  
"Thank you."

  
"You're welcome, _ chief-nim _."

  
"Urgh." Jinyoung hung up with a small smile on his face.

  
He got up from the bed, walking slowly towards the glass door that led to the small balcony. 

  
Looking to the left he saw Jaebum's farm. The external lights are already on and the ones in the house still out.

  
If Jaebum was not at home, there was only one place for him to be.

  
And Jinyoung would go there.

**••**

The air was denser than usual, the night was already all over the sky and the clouds were darker than normal, leaving the weather even more closed.

  
Jinyoung walked carefully to Jaebum's farm, the wind blowing colder, making him hold the flannel shirt tighter to his body.

  
He carried a bag full of different foods, which his mother had forced him to bring, all of them in separate pots.

  
He passed by Jaebum's house to leave the lunchboxes there, entering carefully, to put the bag on the kitchen counter. He knew that Jaebum was not there, because of the silence, and also because he knew that he would find him near the lavender fields.

  
He was ready to leave the older man's house when a wooden box on the dining table caught his attention. It was open, and from a distance you could see some pictures, a smaller box and a toy car, made of iron painted in turquoise. Jinyoung smiled, immediately recognizing the toy.

  
Approaching the table, the actor looked more carefully at the contents of the box. He took the toy in his hands, smiling even more when he saw it up close.

  
This was the toy that had been the subject of many fights between him and Jaebum. They both loved that toy. Mrs. Im gave it to him on his fifth birthday, which made Jaebum angry for days because he wanted one too. Jinyoung always took it out to play with the eldest, and they loved it, but when it was time to keep it, it was when they always had problems. Jaebum wanted to keep the toy at home, Jinyoung wouldn't let it, and the fights and complaints lasted all night, until the two fell asleep exhausted from crying.

  
Jinyoung remembers taking the toy to Jaebum's house at the eldest ten years old party. They no longer played with the toy anymore, so Jinyoung asked him to take care of it for now.

  
Jinyoung remembers perfectly the huge smile that Jaebeom gave when he saw the toy on the shelf in his room.

  
It had always been like that, hadn't it?

  
Jaebum and Jinyoung fighting over and over so that in the end, one of them would give in and realize that fighting had been in vain and that enjoying the other's smile was what mattered.

  
Smiling, Jinyoung put the toy next to the box on the table, bringing his attention to the pictures scattered there.

  
Most of them were when they were kids, photos that they were posing to the camera, photos that their mothers took without them noticing, them dirty with mud, clay, sand and even grease, which Jinyoung remembers perfectly that was when he and Jaebum took the grease from Mr. Im's workshop, they got dirty and ran to Jaebum's mom, who spent more than two hours with them in the bath, rubbing them to get the grease off their skins.

  
There were only a few pictures of Jaebum's parents, but the ones there were all beautiful, where you could see the same smile that Jaebum and his mother had, and how Mr. Im had a twinkle in his eye when he looked at his wife or when he held Jaebum for the first time. They were a happy, close-knit family. Jinyoung knew that.

  
The small wooden box was now the only thing left, but Jinyoung still didn't know whether to open it or not. In fact, he didn't know if it was right for him to be seeing all of that without permission.

  
As soon as one of his hands went to pick up the box, he heard the kitchen door being open, which was less than five steps from where he was. In shock, Jinyoung dropped the box and turned towards the door, seeing Jaebum enter through it, his head being down because he was looking at his hands that were taking off his shoes.

  
And as soon as Jaebum looked up, he saw Jinyoung there, watching him.

  
"Oh." Jaebum did not expect to see Jinyoung there, in the middle of his house.

  
Jinyoung smiled tightly. "Hi."

  
Jaebum looked at him confused and still surprised.

  
"I brought a lot of food." Jinyuong said, trying to start a conversation, even in an awkward way. "I heard a lot about not bringing you food these days, so please eat everything."

  
Jinyoung wanted a hole to stick his head in.

  
"I will, thanks." Jaebum said simply, smiling weakly, before walking towards the kitchen.

  
Okay, now what Jinyoung will say?

  
"Are you alright?" It was Jaebum who said it, looking at him steadily.

  
"I am." The youngest nodded. "And you?"

  
"Not really." Jaebum said sincerely. And Jinyoung knew that he would be sincere. "Did you come just to deliver your mother's food to me?"

  
"No." Okay, there was no reason for Jinyoung to lie, even though he didn't know how to start the conversation they needed to have.

  
"Do you mind waiting for me to take a shower?" Jaebum looked at him. "I really need a shower."

  
Jinyoung laughed weakly, making Jaebum laugh too. "I wait, its not a problem."

  
Jaebum shook his head in a thankful nod, then started to take the stairs to his room.

  
Jinyoung looked around, then at the stairs.

  
He still hadn't seen the upstairs after the renovations, right?!

  
Jaebum had changed things around there a lot. Now there seemed to be only one bedroom, his own, probably with its own bathroom, and on the other side of the floor was a kind of TV room and library mixed, with a huge sofa, that was looking very comfortable, facing a rack with a huge TV on top. On the right, the entire wall was taken up by a huge bookcase, full of books, small decorative objects and some pictures.

Obviously Jinyoung went in that direction.

  
His fingers lightly caress the booklets of the books, making his fingerprints dance in small waves between one book and another. Most of the titles there Jinyoung knew, and had also read, which made a smile appear on his lips.

  
Jinyoung also noticed that all the photos there were in black and white, taken from angles and focuses that made it clear that it had been done by someone with knowledge in photography. They were beautiful, as if whoever took them knew exactly how to get the essence of what was being seen through the lens of the camera, and managed to get through it entirely into the photo. There were a lot of pictures of Nora there too, among small daisies, on top of some fence, or just the curious cat's muzzle, which made Jinyoung laugh softly.

  
"Oh." He let it go, surprised by the photo at the end of the bookshelf. The picture frame that the photo was in seemed to be new than the one in the others. Maybe it was taken recently?

  
It was, because Jinyoung was in it.

  
He was sitting on some wooden fence around Jaebum's farm, with his legs crossed and loose in the air, looking at something in the distance, which, now Jinyoung realizes, it's the reason that didn't make him notice that he had been photographed.

  
The photo was beautiful.

  
"I have another photo from that day." Jaebum's voice became present, which startled Jinyoung, who quickly put the photo back on the shelf, as if he had been caught doing something wrong. "You have this habit of always losing your eyes on something distant, most of the time on something that doesn't even exist at the moment." Jaebum laughed weakly. "It's great for me to take pictures, but it's bad because I don't know where you truly are."

  
Jinyoung lowered his head, taking a deep breath. "Sometimes even I don’t know where I am. I Think it's just a flaw… over overthinking." A forced laugh came from the actor's throat.

  
"That's why you disappeared, right?" Jaebum asked quietly.

Jinyoung looked at him. "Not just for that." Jaebum looked at him deeply, his gaze locked on him. "It was for you too." The older one was confused. "Jaebum, you don't need anything to make me stay, you know that, don't you?"

  
Jaebum looked at him even more intently.

Jinyoung continued. "I know, I am now the closest of a family member you have and-" he took a deep breath. "Please don't misunderstand what I just said." Jaebum just listened. “I don't want you to force yourself on something you don't want to. You don't have to get into this, on this, to have me by your side, I am your best friend and I will always be, there is no one else to fill that in my heart."

"Do you think that- do you think I kissed you because I thought this was a chance to make you stay?" Jaebum's voice was broken."Jaebum, I don't-""Jinyoung, if you want to go, you will go, I will not hold you here." Jaebum's words were harsh, but Jinyoung knew they were true. "I want you to stay with me, by my side, because you want it. I would never use a kiss or your life for this." For some reason, Jinyoung couldn't break his eyes with Jaebum's, he felt in his body the feelings that each word of the eldest meant. “I don't know what this is, Jinyoung, I never experienced anything like that, but it's you. You make me want to live everything I can live with you.” Jaebum approached. "I want to have you in every way that you allow me to have, Jinyoung, not because it will make you stay, but because that's what I want, because it's you." Jaebum was now just a step away from the youngest. "I want you, and how you're going to give it to me, it's your choice, I will accept what you want to offer, Jinyoung."

"Jaebum..." Jinyoung really didn't know what to say. He lowered his head, his mind wanting to get lost in thoughts once again. Jaebum approached the step that was missing, holding Jinyoung's face with both of his hands, making the youngest look back at him. "I need to understand things, they- they don't make sense to me, Jaebum." Jinyoung said in a broken tone, with his eyes locked on the elder's. "That, the assumption that you could return back my feelings, it is so... unreal."Jinyoung closed his eyes, his head hanging down to one of Jaebum's hands, who held it carefully."You said that one of the reasons for leaving was also because of me." Jaebum said calmly. "That was because did you already feel something for me?" Jinyoung just shook his head, stating. "My mom was always right, then." Jinyoung opened his eyes. "She always fought with me, saying that if I wasn't so blind, I would have noticed it before.""Your mother-""She always knew, both about you and me." Jaebum smiled."From you?""Even though I didn't know what it really was, it was always you, Jinyoung."

The two locked eyes looking at each other, smiles wanting to form on their lips.

"I will ask before this time." Jaebum smiled, looking away for a second to Jinyoung's lips. "Can I kiss you?"

Jinyoung smiled, before he take his lips to Jaebum's, throwing his arms around the older man's waist, holding him in his arms, letting Jaebum conduct the kiss as he pleased, while he was just ready to give himself to the man that he always wanted to surrender. Even with a huge fear hanging over his head. This is where he wanted to be, in Jaebeom's embrace.

"Are we something, now?" Jaebum said with his mouth close to the younger's, making his lips brush.

"I don't know, are we?" Jinyoung replied smiling at Jaebum's lips.

"I go wherever you want to go, _ Nyoungie. _" Jinyoung grunted with the nickname. Jaebum laughed and dropped his hands to the youngest's waist, holding him close to him.

"Urgh, certain things with your voice are so-"

"So?" Jaebum pulled his face away to better look at Jinyoung's.

"Urgh!" The actor grunted again, resting his forehead on Jaebum's collarbone, hiding his face.

"It will be amazing to be something with you, Nyongie." Jaebum's tone was clearly meant to provoke.

"Just... shut up." The sound of Jaebum's laughter filled Jinyoung's ears.

  
  
  


**••**

  
  
  


Yugyeom and Bambam realized at the time - but it was also impossible to do the opposite - the smile, even minimal, on Jaebum's face, that won’t leave Jaebeom’s face, visible, changing shape, but always there.

If the younger ones were going to talk to him, he replied smiling. If they asked for information, the answer came between one or two smiles.

"Hyung, and a raise?" Yugyeom risked. Jaebum took the smile off his lips for the first time that day.

"You are in a good mood, hyung." Bambam pointed, making the boss look at him.

"Am I?"

"It is quite obvious, you smiled when I said that three packages of compost have spoiled." Bambam reminded him.

Jaebum did it again, he smiled. “It was only three, huh? It could have been worse, but it was only three.” Jaebum looked at them as if it were really amazing and then walked away, going into the barn.

"Last week he gave me the biggest scolding in the world for wasting half of a bag of white sand." Yugyeom said with a pout and it was Bambam's turn to laugh.

"Jinyoung hyung still hadn't fertilized his love heart until yesterday, Gyomie." Bambam reminded him, which made the other one laugh.

"Your mind, huh." Yugyeom took one hand to caress the other's chin.

"I hope this is not the hand you were handling the dung, Kim Yugyeom."

"I was wearing gloves." He laughed to try to get away, but it was a no successful way, as Bambam took his garden shears and threatened him with it.

  
  


**••**

"So?"

It was the first thing Jackson said as soon as Jinyoung answered his call.

"Good afternoon to you too, Jackson Wang." Jinyoung said softly.

"You slept with the man, didn't you?" Jackson's euphoric shout made Jinyoung push the phone away from his ear. "Chief-nim, I always believed in you!" The blonde's tone was lively, which made the actor laugh out loud on the other end of the phone. "Wait, did you really sleep with him?" Jackson was really amazed by his joke.

"No, Jackson." Jinyoung said between laughs. "Not yet." The actor left the air, which caused Jackson to cry out another excited laugh.

The chat between them proceeds until late in the evening, with Jinyoung telling about the night before as well as catching up on the news that Jackson had from the capital.

There was a big rumor going around that the most awarded director in the country was eyeing Jinyoung for his new protagonist, but nothing was confirmed yet and Jackson had not been contacted until that time, but the manager thought that the call would not take too long to come.

**••**

"Oppa!" Soyang hopped into her brother's room. Jinyoung looked up from the book he was reading. "Jaebum oppa is there."

"And why didn't he come up?"

"Mom dragged him to the kitchen." The little girl climbed on her brother's bed, going to lie beside him, wrapping her small body in the fluffy duvet. "Nora didn't come."

Jinyoung laughed weakly. "So that's why you came here, to use my bed to release your sadness?" The girl nodded, shaking excitedly.

"I thought it was because you missed your brother, since whenever I see you, you're playing with Jaebum's cat." Jinyoung put the book aside, went to hold his sister, starting to tickle the little one. "Did you trade your oppa for Nora, Soyang?"

The little girl laughed out loud, trying to escape the hands of her brother, who was laughing next to her.

"What were you reading, oppa?" Soyang asked as soon as he managed to snuggle in Jinyoung's lap.

"Do you want me to read it for you?" The little girl nodded, put one cheek against Jinyoung's chest, ready to hear whatever her brother would read to her.

Soyang did not last three pages, falling asleep on Jinyoung's lap.

As soon as the actor got up with his sister in his lap, he saw that Jaebum was leaning against the doorjamb of his room, looking at him.

Smiling, he arranged Soyang carefully in his arms, heading towards the older one.

"Have you been there for a long time?" He asked quietly.

"I arrived at the last verses." Jaebum replied smoothly.

"Come in, I'm just going to put her in bed."

Jaebum nodded, while Jinyoung headed towards his sister's room.

"I have two bags full of food to take home." Jaebum said as soon as Jinyoung came back.

The younger one closed the door behind him, laughing. "Mum always thinks that you are too thin and need to eat all the time."

"I don't object, your mother's food has always been incredible."

Jaebum says, and while sitting at the foot of Jinyoung's bed, he looked at him without turning away.

The older one held out a hand, which in the next second was taken by Jinyoung.

Jaebum subtly pulled him, which caused the actor to stop in the middle of his legs. Jinyoung looked down, while the older one looked up.

"We saw each other yesterday, less than twelve hours ago, and I already missed seeing your face, is that normal?" Jaebum asked calmly.

Jinyoung smiled tightly. "Must be." He brought his both hands to Jaebum's neck, letting the thumbs caress the older man's jaw. "Because I felt it too."

Jaebum grinned as he brought his arms around Jinyoung's hips.

They stood there, just together, holding each other, for a while.

Nothing needed to be said, because they knew, just the fact that one could feel it that the other was there, on his side and together, was enough.

  
  


**••**

"Youngjae-ah!" Bambam called his friend. "What do you want to eat?"

It was Sunday, and the two, plus Yugyeom, were in the Im flower tent at the fair.

Usually only Youngjae could handle it alone, but it was close to the spring festival, which made the demand for flowers, especially Jaebum's, increase.

"Whatever you get for you and Yugyeom its fine for me, Bamie." Youngjae responded with his usual warm smile, before turning his attention to the new customer who had arrived.

"Gyomie, are you going to-" Bambam stopped talking, letting a laugh escape his mouth. "For someone who cared about what others thought, Jaebum hyung is very much at ease, hm?" Yugyeom and Youngjae looked where Bambam pointed with his chin.

Jaebum was walking calmly down the street of the fair, smiling and laughing as he carried bags in his arms and was looking at Jinyoung, who was very focused on saying something.

"You are not supposed to laugh, Jaebum, I am serious." Jinyoung tried not to laugh too, but he had to continue to pretend that he didn't want to. Which made Jaebum laugh more. "Jaebum!" The youngest tried at all costs to not to laugh, which made him hit the older man's arms.

"Nyoungie, you can't be serious." Jaebum was really trying to stop laughing.

"I will ignore you." Jinyoung said, pretending to be sulking, walking faster.

Jaebum held him by the sweater, bringing him back to his side, making them head for the farm tent.

"Good morning, boys." Jinyoung said while smiling.

"Hyung." The three said in unison, bowing weakly to greet him. "Chief-nim." They did the same with Jaebum.

"Do you guys need any help?" Jaebum asked, watching the group of people around the stand.

"No, hyung, we have everything under control." Youngjae replied, returning to serve customers.

Jinyoung had his attention on Yugyeom, who was wrapping some branches of green and white carnations in a small bouquet tied by thin strips of braided hay. "It is beautiful, Yugyeom." The youngest smiled excitedly.

Jaebum looked at the small notepad next to the cash box, seeing the amount of flowers they had already sold.

And Bambam? Well, Bambam was laughing to himself. Was he really the only one who noticed Jaebum's right hand resting at the end of Jinyoung's back?

Yes, he was the only one. Not even Jaebum and Jinyoung realized that they were in constant contact, Bambam realized that it was an unconscious act.

_ Woah, was your boss really in love like that? _

Subtle Bambam took one of the green carnations, one of the smallest, discarded by Yugyeom on the table, and put it inside the pocket of Jaebum's button shirt.

The older man looked at him, confused. Bambam just smiled.

Jinyoung looked at what the boy had put in Jaebum's pocket and smiled too.

"What?" Jaebum asked, even more confused.

“I am surprised that you, the flower producer, do not know the meaning of green carnations, Im Jaebum.” Jinyoung said, pretending to be astonished, before looking at Bambam and smiling in understanding at the youngest. He took another green carnation from the jar from which there were dozens of them. "Can I get this for free?" Jinyoung asked the boys, who smiled at him, saying yes. "Come on, Mr. florist who doesn't understand about flowers." The actor called Jaebum, in a provocative tone, making the younger ones laugh.

"Aren you really not going to tell me what it means?" Jaebum asked as he took the key to his truck out of his pocket.

"There is a great thing called the internet, did you know, ahjussi?" Jinyoung teased again, taking the vehicle key from the older man’s hand and opening the driver's door. "I will drive while you seek to educate yourself."

The first thing Jaebum did when he sat in his truck was to open the search browser on his phone and ...

"_ Oh. _"

Jinyoung just laughed weakly, without diverting his attention from the road. "Your employees know more about you than you do."

"They didn't even wait for me to speak out."

"You are easy to read, Jaebum."

The older one looked to the side, seeing Jinyoung's profile, and snorted. "I hate that you're an actor."

Jinyoung just laughed openly, looking at Jaebum for a quick second, before turning back his attention to the road.

"I think I will need to plant more green carnations then." Jaebum spoke as soon as they parked in front of the city market. Jinyoung looked at him.

"You don't need to assert yourself to-"

"Jinyoung, the fact that I love a man makes me a homosexual, or bisexual, ‘cause women have never been a problem for me." Jaebum smiled. "I don't do this for you, Nyungie, but it just doesn't make sense for me to deny myself for something I'm not even ashamed of." He reached for Jinyoung's hand, holding it in his own.

"You-"

"Make you even more in love, huh?"

Jaebum's smile was playful, which made Jinyoung smile too.

"I will not confirm or deny this."

The noise of Jaebum's laughter will always be the sound that Jinyoung loves the most in the world.

  
  


**••**

"You got the soy sauce that stays on the bottom shelf, right?" Jinyoung asked while taking out the groceries from the paper bags, which were on the kitchen counter in Jaebum's house.

"You asked me that four times." Jaebum said with an amused smile on his face as he took the bottle of soy sauce out of one of the bags. "This one, right?"

"Good boy." Jinyoung took the bottle from Jaebum's hand and then squeezed one of the older man's cheeks.

It was Friday night, and after a busy and exhausted week, the two agreed to go shopping soon for tomorrow, as Saturday was the day Jackson arrived and the blonde had asked for a welcome party.

Jinyoung had just finished organizing the groceries, already leaving what they would need for tomorrow.

Jaebum was gone from his sight, but the older man's footsteps soon sounded back on the wooden floor, making Jinyoung look to where he was coming.

With a smile on his face and a bottle of wine in his hands, Jaebum leaned on the kitchen counter, looking at Jinyoung. "The glasses are in the upper cabinet." Smiling in a complicity way, Jinyoung went to get them.

The two sat on the fluffy rug in Jaebum's living room.

The fireplace was dimly lit, the light in the room was out, all that was illuminating them were the kitchen lights on, which was enough, because they could see each other perfectly and clearly.

Jaebum leaning on the sofa, Jinyoung with his back to the fireplace and his legs bent to the side, supporting the body with one hand, while the other held his glass of wine. The two of them facing each other, the coffee table dragged a little to the side, with the bottle of wine on top.

"I knew it was special, but not enough for a harvest of 84." Jinyoung said thoughtfully.

"You are worth my entire wine house." Jinyoung smiled. "I have an even better one, but I preferred to leave it for an important occasion." Jaebum raised his glass. "Even though everything with you is important."

Jinyoung snorted before he laughed. "Have you always had all that courage, Jaebum?"

"I don't know, but I always went after what I wanted." Jaebum took a sip of the wine.

"You were always stubborn." Jinyoung said in a natural way.

"Yes, I always have been, but was part of that stubbornness that helped me build a lot of what I have today." Jaebum smiled, remembering something. “I really wanted torn pants when I was about sixteen. My grandfather was spending some time here at home, and whenever I talked about the pants with my mom, my grandfather would complain and say that if I showed up with those pants in front of him, he would finish tearing them up.” Jaebum laughed again. “I took an old pair of pants and tore them up and went to him. Then he held me, pulling on the tears in my pants, making it unable to use anymore. The other day I did the same thing, only that this time I used his pants for it.” Jaebum said amused. "He destroyed three of his own pants without knowing it, and when he found out, he cursed me until he couldn't anymore, which made my mom laugh at him, and he understood that there was no point in going against me."

Jinyoung laughed.

"After that, I didn't want any more torn pants, I just wanted to be stubborn."

"Why doesn't that surprise me at all, Jaebum?" Jinyoung laughed, looking straight into the older man's eyes.

They talk about many different things. Laughter and smiles between glasses of wine.

It was light, usual, genuine, natural.

There was no filter of what could be said or not. They only spoke, because they knew they would be understood and not judged.

When he finished his third glass of wine, Jinyoung knew that it was best to stop. Wine has always been his favorite drink, but also the one that most made him “hot”.

"I ordered a batch of green carnation buds." Jaebum said as he poured another round of wine into his glasses. "But, um, you don't need to use them, do you?"

Jinyoung looked at him without understanding.

"You know, whoever knows the meaning will also find you, and that is something that does not need to happen." Jaebum said as if it were the obvious. What it was to him.

"Jealous, Jaebum?" Jinyoung smirked, provocatively.

"Careful is the right word." Jaebum corrected him.

"Hm, I thought you were all confident, you even came out recently." Jinyoung left his cup on the coffee table beside him. "But the great and incredible Jaebum is jealous, huh?!"

Jinyoung got up, but just enough to kneel on the soft carpet in Jaebum's living room.

"Have you ever looked at you?" Jaebum set his glass next to Jinyoung's on the table. "It would be weird if I wasn't jealous."

"So you can feel jealousy." Jinyoung's voice was low, thick. "Even though you have no reason." The youngest crawled towards the older. "Because if I look at another man having all of you for me, I must be the crazy one."

Jaebum said nothing, his gaze locked on Jinyoung's, who was approaching.

"It's good that we have this mutual feeling between us." Jaebum said when Jinyoung was inches from him. "Including this one."

Before Jinyoung asked which one, Jaebum pulled him by one of his thighs, making the youngest sit on his lap, with his legs on either side of his hips. The growl that Jinyoung made through his throat was tricky and surprised.

"Show me how much I am yours, Jinyoung." Jaebum asked in a whisper, squeezing the young man's thighs tightly.

"Don't regret it later, Im Jaebum." Jinyoung said on Jaebum's lips, letting him smell his warm, wine-smelling breath, before taking care of the older man's mouth with his will that had been trapped in his body for days.

Their hands tightened on each other's skin and clothing.

Jinyoung's fingerprints pressed to the skin of Jaebum's hot neck and nape, who pulled the young man's body tightly, squeezing his thick fingers around his waist and hips, making Jinyoung feel what he did to his body.

Their soft tongues did not compete for superiority, they danced to the same music together, going together on the same path, knowing even more what they had to offer.

Jinyoung lifted his body while pulling the hair on the back of Jaebum's neck, making him hang his head back, resting it on the sofa seat, leaving his neck fully exposed, which broke the intense kiss of both.

Jaebum's Adam's apple rose and fell between his fast breaths, which for Jinyoung was the best vision he could ever have. Without restrictions, Jinyoung took his mouth there, sticking out his tongue, licking the exposed skin, feeling the relief of the cartilage on the older man's neck there, who grunted in response.

Jinyoung smiled, his body heating up even more, the sounds that Jaebum made were music for him.

The actor did it again, this time adding a weak suck higher up, before reaching the older man's marked jaw.

Jaebum pulled Jinyoung's body back, making his hip hit his belly in a stroke, making him feel Jinyoung's erection perfectly pressed into his jeans.

He looked up, seeing Jinyoung already looking at him, and smiled. Jaebum smiled a fucking roguish and malicious smile before moving his hands up Jinyoung's thighs, climbing up further, lifting the younger's light sweater together, exposing his firm belly right there, inches from Jaebum's face.

It was Jaebum touching the tip of his nose to Jinyoung's hot skin, that made the younger one broke into a hoarse groan. "Uhg."

It was obvious that Jaebum would do it again, this time with a bite too, in the area below Jinyoung's navel. The younger's head fell back, but he still held tightly to the hair on the back of Jaebum's head.

Jinyoung pulled his hip away from Jaebum's face, kissing him again in the next second, with a more agitated kiss.

One of his hands came out of Jaebum's neck straight to squeeze the older man's hard cock, who screamed for attention as he tugged on his tight pants.

"Uh." Jaebum was taken by surprise, letting out a groan in his throat, raising his hips so that Jinyoung touched him even more.

"Go up." Jinyoung said hoarsely, between Jaebum's swollen lips. “Sit on the couch. Go up.” He ordered quickly, which Jaebum obeyed instantly.

Jinyoung spread Jaebum's legs, bringing his hands to his trouser belt as he adjusted himself inside the older man's thighs.

"Jinyoung-"

"You asked for it, Jaebum." Jinyoung said with a quick breath just before opening the older man's pants, pulling them down with the boxer, with force.

"Jinyo-Uhn." Jaebum wanted to protest, but Jinyoung's hot mouth willingly wrapped the head of his cock. "Oh my God."

Jinyoung lowered his mouth across Jaebum, slowly, and rising in the same way, just to let the older man's erection rest on his tongue while looking at Jaebum.

"Nyongie-" Yes, Jinyoung managed to smile with his dick on his lips.

One of Jinyoung's hands reached for Jaebum's, pulling it into his face.

Turning his palm up, Jinyoung took it to hold his throat, his fingers on his Adam's apple while his palm was below his chin, and as soon as he closed his eyes, his mouth went down again on the extension of Jaebum, but now the eldest felt himself inside Jinyoung too.

Jaebum felt the length of his cock fill Jinyoung's mouth and throat with the palm of his hand as well.

The eldest brought his other hand to Jinyoung's hair, holding it tightly between his fingers, pulling and pushing, intensifying the movements of the youngest himself, which made the actor moan with Jaebum inside his mouth, which made him moan back.

"Jinyoungie-"

Jaebum's breathing was even more agitated, his abdomen contracting each time Jinyoung raised his mouth and sucked hard on the head of his dick.

"Jinyoung." Jaebum warned him, in a needy request, but the youngest did not want to pay attention.

What was left for Jaebum to do was to squeeze his neck, where his hand was resting, taking Jinyoung away from him and making the youngest finally look at him.

Jinyoung smiled, taking one of his hands to Jaebum's around his neck, forcing it even more there, while the other pulled the older man's body towards him, making them both fall on the carpet.

Jaebum watched him attentively while Jinyoung unzipped his own pants, revealing his swollen erection.

"You will be my ruin, Jinyoung." Jaebum said hoarsely.

"I know." Jinyoung took Jaebum's dick and brought it to his own, rubbing it together, held by his hand. "Ahn."

The hand that was on Jinyoung's neck remained there, he just brought his index finger to the younger's mouth, who sucked it hard, making him move his hips, thrusting between Jinyoung's palm and cock.

"Uhn."

"Uh."

Just gave time for Jaebum to pull up Jinyoung's sweater before the two of them came on the youngest's stomach, with their breaths loud, hot and choppy.

They stayed like that for minutes. Sweat dripped from his temples, strands of hair stuck to his foreheads. Jaebum layed next to Jinyoung on the rug.

"Welcome." Jinyoung said smiling, holding Jaebum's wrist that was still around his neck. Jaebum looked at him. "I think it's you that has to wear green carnations, Beom-ah."

"Because am I proud of who I am?" Jaebum asked laughing, still breathing fast.

"Because you made a man have the best orgasm of his life." Jinyoung laughed. "And look that it was just a quick choke."

The sound of Jaebum's laughter dominated the living room.

**••**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> About green carnations:
> 
> In 1894, British writer Robert Smythe Hichens wrote a novel called "The Green Carnation", whose main character paid homage to the famous author Oscar Wilde. The character in the book used a green carnation on his lapel, together with his friends, as a way of identifying those who were openly homosexual. A custom popularized by Wilde himself, which recalled the tradition of Ancient Rome in which the color green indicated homosexual affiliations. More than 30 years later, another British author, Noel Coward, wrote the musical piece “Bitter Sweet”, in which the green carnations again represented a form used by gays to distinguish themselves from others. And nowadays, especially in the United States and England, the green carnation has become a symbol of the affirmation of identity and gay pride.


	6. Sunrise

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In this chapter we were starting to have some smut scenes, so oho

Jackson's arrival increased even more the good feeling around there.

Jinyoung went to pick up his friend at the entrance of the city in the early morning, which caused the actor to leave a warning note on the kitchen counter for Jaebum, who was sleeping peacefully, wrapped in the dark blanket he had picked up, so that the both of them would sleep on his living room carpet.

"Your smile is annoying me, Jinyoung." It was the first that Jackson said as soon as he got into the actor's truck.

"Good morning to you too, _Sseunie_." Jinyoung said while smiling.

"Good morning, chief-nim." Jackson smiled back, pulling his friend into a tight hug. "I see that you are surviving very well without me." The blonde implied. "Hows the farmer is taking care of you?"

Jinyoung laughed. "Very well." He started the truck. "Better than I thought he would care."

Jackson looked at his friend with his features in a mixture of surprise and disgust. "I don't need to know where you came in the man, Jinyoung."

The actor laughed out loud, his attention on the road. "Are you sure?"

The two laughed together, and started to catch up on things and news of the city along the way.

  
  


**x**

  
  


Bambam and Yugyeom arrived early at Jaebum's farm.

Even doing that every day, it wasn’t common to repeat it also on a Saturday, but having listening to the words party, meat and beer last night, the two youngest changed their habits.

"Hyung!"

"Jaebum hyung!"

Jaebum woke up in a fright, hearing his name being called.

He looked around, seeing himself lying in his living room. The fire in the fireplace was already off, the cold carpet at his side.

Still sleepy, Jaebum got up, opening the balcony door for Bambam and Yugyeom to enter before going to the kitchen.

"Good morning, hyung!" Yugyeom's animated voice made Jaebum's head hurt.

Just waving his hands, making it clear that it was a gesture of greeting, Jaebum filled a glass with water for himself and drank it whole in seconds.

"There's medicine for a headache in the second drawer, hyung." Bambam said after looking around. Jaebum went to get the medicine.

Two used wine glasses next to an empty bottle on the coffee table, cushions and a blanket rolled up on the living room rug, not to mention the old man's wrinkled clothes. It was pretty obvious what's happened around there.

"Hyung, go take a shower, we can assume for you here." Jaebum noded gratefully at Bambam.

Yugyeom and Bambam just looked at each other, smiling in complicitly, after Jaebum went upstairs to his room.

**x**

"Oh, Jaebum hyung has already bought what we needed." Yugyeom noticed the groceries bag next to the refrigerator.

"And he also already separated the tablewares." Bambam pointed to the objects on the dining table.

"I went to the market with Jinyoungie last night." Jaebum said as he came down the stairs. A towel was on his shoulders while one of his hands dried his hair with it. "He didn't want to do anything in a rush today, he thought it was better to buy before."

"Jinyoung hyung enchants me more and more." Bambam said in a singing voice.

"Where's he at, hyung?" Yugyeom asked.

"He went to get Jackson." But it was Bambam who answered. Jaebum looked at him with curiosity. "That's what is written on the note he left." The youngest pointed to the piece of paper at the end of the kitchen counter, making Jaebum take it. A small smile drew his lips, which made Bambam laugh to himself.

_ Jaebum was so obvious! _

  
  


It was almost the end of the morning when Jinyoung and Jackson arrived at Jaebum's farm.

While Jackson was excited to speak and greet the youngest, Jaebum walked slowly towards Jinyoung's truck, which was where the actor was.

"Good Morning." Jinyoung said sweetly, smiling closed.

Jaebum returned the same smile. "It was cold when I woke up."

"Oh." Jinyoung was alarmed. "I remember covering you with the blanket."

Jaebum smiled, bringing one hand to Jinyoung's chin, holding it for a brief moment. "But I didn't have you anymore."

The older one walked away as soon as he heard Yugyeom call him.

They started preparing things for lunch, or as Jackson called it, his welcoming party.

The large table in Jaebum's backyard is already being filled with crockery, utensils and some food.

Jackson had just finished fixing the speaker he found in Jaebum's office, plugging his cell phone into it, and soon a lively song was playing.

A horn was heard and they saw a car coming. It was Youngjae with Hyunwoo and Kihyun.

"Oh, I don't know them." Jackson said pointing to the newcomers.

"They are friends with Jaebum and the boys, they're nice."

"I can tell from here that they are, Nyongie." Jinyoung laughed at his friend.

"This is Youngjae." Jinyoung introduced the youngest to Jackson. “He works at the Jaebum florist, in the city.”

"Oh, yes." Jackson smiled. "I’m Jackson."

Youngjae smiled broadly at the blonde.

Jaebum called Jackson to introduce him to Hyunwoo and Kihyun. After staying there for a while, he went back to Jinyoung and Youngjae.

"I feel like a child that its parents are introducing to their friends." The blonde said, making them both laugh at him.

"So go with Youngjae to see if the beers are cold and bring some over here, kiddo." Jinyoung asked and went towards Jaebum and his friends.

"Jinyoungie!" Hyunwoo greeted him excitedly, receiving a warm smile from Jinyoung.

"Oh, do you already know each other?" Jaebum asked in surprise.

"Who do you think gets the wine that my dad loves to drink?" Jinyoung asked suggestively, resting a hand on Jaebum's shoulder.

"How are you, hyung?" Kihyun asked while smiling.

After Jinyoung answered Kihyun, they and Hyunwoo entered into a light and fluid conversation, leaving Jaebum to watch them closely, surprised, but also marveling at the ease and subtlety that Jinyoung had to socialize and captivate people.

"Look." Bambam pointed his chin at Jinyoung and Jaebum. They were leaning against each other as they could, holding each other's shoulders. Even their knees were in constant need of rubbing.

Yugyeom looked on, smiling soon after. "They don’t realize?"

"No, it's automatic from them." Bambam laughed weakly. "Were we like that at the beginning of our..." Yugyeom just looked at Bambam and then at his hand, which was in the back pocket of Bambam’s pants. "Oh."

Yugyeom just laughed, putting the pork belly slices back on the grill.

  
  


Jackson and Youngjae came back from the kitchen, laughing together at something the blonde said, in their hands a small cooler with bottles of beer and soju inside.

"Chief-nim!" Jackson called Jinyoungin a loud tone, making those who were talking to him to look too, and give a bottle of beer to Jinyoung.

It was just incredible.

Its had nothing else to describe it.

Jaebum and Jinyoung did everything at the same pace, a precise speed.

While one opened the beer bottles, the other shook the soju ones to better open them. While one filled the glasses with beer, the other filled with doses of soju, and together they touched the glasses, making the little ones fall into the bigger ones, in an incredible domino effect, mixing the two drinks.

They looked at each other, smiling, and clapping their hands together in a loud high-five.

"Woah!" Youngjae was the most delighted, making everyone laugh with him.

  
  


Bambam appeared with the sliced meat after, putting the tray on the table, and everyone started eating.

It was light, fun and lively. A Saturday so different from what Jaebum's farm used to have, but at the same time, it seemed like it was always bound to happen. It fits. It made sense, even though it never had happened before.

Mixed laughters and smiles, lively and loud voices, more laughter, stories being told, cheers made for several and different purposes.

They didn't even notice the afternoon passing by.

Only when the night started to appear that things started to calming down.

  
  


"Hyung, you should make a pool here." It was Jackson, quite altered by the glasses of beer and soju he drank, who said. "Now it would be a great idea to move the party to the pool."

"The way you are, I doubt you can take more than three steps, Jackson." Jinyoung said, approaching his friend to holding him.

"Chief-nim!" Jackson said in exasperation. "Imagine how incredible it would be if we went playing in the pool, without clothes." Youngjae's laugh sounded loud.

"Okay, Jackson, I think this is your cue, say goodbye to your new friends." Jinyoung laughed, pulling his friend towards him, supporting him with his body.

"But I wanted to play more."

"You will have time for this tomorrow, Sseunie."

"Bye, friends, thanks for coming today." Jackson said with a smile on his face.

When Jinyoung returned, only Jaebum could be seen in the yard.

"Where are the others?" The actor asked.

Jaebum smiled at him. "Hyunwoo and Kihyun gave a ride to the younger ones, only I was left here."

Jinyoung smiled back. "Did they leave you to take care of the dishes?"

"Oh no, I did Bambam and Yugyeom wash it before they go."

"Smart."

Jaebum laughed, putting the trash back together, throwing them into a large garbage bag.

Jinyoun sat at the table, looking at what Jaebum was doing.

He was just there, looking, noticing, no more intention in it, he just liked looking at Jaebum, looking at his actions, what he was doing.

"Did you like today?" The actor asked quietly.

"Yes, I haven't had a day like this in a while."

"Like what, your age?" Jinyoung joked, making the older man laugh.

"I think this is a good way to explain it." Jaebum closed the garbage bag, then went to wash his hands afterwards. "But now, it seems a little incomplete." He slapped his hands on his pants to dry them. "Don’t you think?" Jinyoung looked at him curiously. "I haven't been able to kiss you once since morning."

The actor smiled, opening his arms, calling for Jaebum. "Don't be so-Ah!" Jinyoung was startled by the older man's wet hands on his cheek. "Your hands are cold."

"Oh, they are?"

Jaebum took his hands to touch all the exposed skin on Jinyoung's face and neck, making the younger one laugh and try to escape the older man's icy palms.

"Jaebum-ah!" Jinyoung laughed when he felt the older man's fingers on his waist, under his shirt, tickling him. “Ah! Stop!" Jaebum now attacked the younger one with his lips too, giving quick kisses on his face and neck. "Bum-ah!" And another wave of laughter came from Jinyoung.

Jaebum pulled the body of the youngest towards him, holding him in a firm embrace. Their breathing was accelerated by their laughters.

So this was what they called happiness, right?

It had to be.

The sensation that tightened their chests. Their hearts felt so full, but at the same time were so light. A shiver that ran through their bodys, a desire to cry, but not even close to the types of cries that hurt, as Jaebum cried in the past.

"**_I love you, Jinyoung_**." Jaebum said while his lips are at the younger man's hair. His heart was lighter and full of warmness.

Jinyoung looked up. His eyes fixed on Jaebum's.

"I love you, Jinyoung, I really do." Jaebum said firmly, subtly and truthfully. The older one held the younger boy's face in his hands, just to say it again. "I love you."

Jinyoung's eyes filled with water, his heart racing wildly, his body getting warm.

"Jaebum-" Jinyoung did not find coherent words to say it.

But Jaebum knew it.

He already knew.

And carefully, he brought Jinyoung's face to himself, kissing him chastely, subtle and with a world of meanings.

Jinyoung took his arms to embrace Jaebum's neck, hugging him tight.

Jaebum pulled away when he felt a wet drop on his thumb that was on Jinyoung's cheek and smiled.

Jaebum smiled because he knew.

"I know you love me, too, Nyongie." It was not a provocation, or a request. It was the true. Jaebum knew it.

"I do." Jinyoung's shaken voice made the older man smile. "God, I really do. I love you so much!"

The youngest said exasperated, throwing himself into Jaebum's body, who caught him in shock, trapping him in his lap.

“I love you, Jaebum! I love you!" Jinyoung said loudly as he held tightly to Jaebum, pinning him to himself, as if he wanted to stick their bodies together.

Jaebum laughed, holding Jinyoung's legs, which was hugging his hips, and spun them around.

Jinyoung's laughter once again filled his ears, and that was the most beautiful song Jaebum could ever hear in his life.

  
  


**x**

  
  


Jaebum had a problem.

Something he already knew would happen.

The florist has never had any problems with this before - as much as _that matter_ in question it wasn't very much part of his routine, for several and different reasons - but now it was, and he needed to find the solution.

What he found complicated was how to find it.

Asking another person was out of the question, as much as he could, but that went beyond him and his courage.

And of all the ways to find the solution, the one that best suited him was the one he was doing now, sitting and concentrated in front of his office computer, inside his granary.

Jaebum used both the computer browser and his cellphone, on different open sites, videos and texts, concentrated on all of them.

Which, of course, caught the attention of Bambam and Yugyeom.

"I went in there three times and he never took his eyes off the computer." Bambam said as soon as he returned from inside the barn with the special gloves to handle cactus.

"Suddenly it's something with finances." Yugyeom said as he shrugged.

Bambam knew it wasn't, but he left it to think about in another moment.

  
  
  


Jackson and Jinyoung walked together through the center of Goyang.

They were in the commercial center of the city, where Jinyoung had not been yet since he arrived.

"It's huge here." Jinyoung said while looking at the tall buildings.

The two arrived at an udon's Japanese restaurant.

After their requests were made, the two started talking about what was happening in Seoul, what was being said about the career hiatus that Jinyoung had declared.

"For now I only hear good things, from the fans mainly, they knew you were in need of time, you came from three protagonists in a row, without a single pause."

"That's nice." Jinyoung smiled at the restaurant employee who brought his order.

"And here? How has it been? ” Jackson asked before helping himself with a mouthful of noodles.

"Great." Jinyoung looked at his friend. "Sometimes I don't believe what's going on, actually, or if I'm worthy of having it all that."

"Jinyoung-" Before Jackson scolded him, the actor continued.

"I left too because I didn't want to involve Jaebum in my teenage confusion, but now, with both of us adults, we're living what my fourteen-year-old self wanted at the time, and god... it's unreal, Sseunie."

"It’s not, and it’s happening, Yongie. It’s not unreal anymore. You are living it."

"But I still feel a little weird, and it's not a bad thing, you know, it's just that-" The actor took a deep breath. "I'm really happy with the only person that I loved in my life. Wouldn't you feel weird too?"

Jackson just smiled, understanding his friend. "I think it's time for your farmer to make you his soon, you still don't believe in his love."

"I do believe it!" Jinyoung protested. "But I also think it's time for him to make me."

"Hasn't it happened yet?" The blonde asked curiously. Jinyoung shook his head because he was chewing. “You guys are together for like? A month?"

"Yes." The actor wiped his mouth with a napkin. "But I don't want to hurry nothing at all, because I know I'm his first man. But I don't care to teach him what he needs to do or know too." Jinyoung held back a laugh while Jackson let it happen.

"Drink some water, Yongie, you look thirsty." The blonde implied and the two laughed together.

  
  


**x**

  
  


Jaebum was lying on his bed, his eyes still on his phone.

It was nighttime, the boys were already dismissed, he was showered and in his bed, with all of his attention to the explanatory video that was running on his cellphone.

Jinyoung already knew that Jaebum tended not to hear anything around him when his attention was focused on one thing, and the proof of that was there.

He was leaning on the door frame of the older man's bedroom for minutes, noticing how his eyes and lips pursed at whatever was happening on his phone screen.

Jinyoung coughed hard in order to get attention, which made Jaebum look up from his cell phone to look in his direction.

The older man's lips formed a perfect "o", which made Jinyoung smile.

"You've been there for a long time, haven't you?" Jaebum said hoarsely, blocking the cellphone screen and putting it on the nightstand next to him.

Jinyoung nodded, starting to move towards Jaebum, who was crawling to the edge of the bed.

"It seemed to be important, so I preferred to watch you." The actor said meekly, bringing his arms around the older man's neck.

"You are more." Jaebum spoke as he hugged Jinyoung's waist and sealed the younger's lips. "How was it in town with Jackson?"

"It was great." Jinyoung returned the seal. "We went to that new udon restaurant that you commented on yesterday, I loved it."

"So we can go there another day, huh?" Jaebum smiled on Jinyoung's lips. "We haven't had a date yet."

"Do you want a date?" Jinyoung laughed.

"I want to, I'm a respectable boy."

"We already skipped a lot of steps before having a first date, Bum-ah."

Jaebum just laughed and pulled the youngest for another kiss, this time more deeply.

But Jinyoung didn't let it go much further, because he knew where to step and especially how far his body could go.

"I'm thirsty." Jinyoung said as he walked away, kissing Jaebum's forehead before throwing himself lying on the bed next to him.

Jaebum looked at him with one eyebrow raised before getting up.

"Peach tea?" The older one offered and Jinyoung smiled satisfied in response.

As soon as Jaebum left, his phone rang, pointing to a new notification. 

Jinyoung looked at the locked screen and saw that it was a warning that showed that the download of a file had been completed, but that was not what caught his attention, but the name of the file.

Looking at the door and to the cellphone afterwards, Jinyoung picked it up, unlocking it right away.

It was open in a browser tab, a very explanatory text was being read before the screen was blocked then.

Jinyoung went through the other open tabs, seeing only his titles, already fully understanding what it was about. And he laughed.

A low laugh, more inward than exposed.

Jinyoung only managed to laugh.

  
  


Jaebum arrived in the room carrying a small tray, with two cups on it.

Jinyoung looked at him intently, seeing every movement he made when he put the tray on the nightstand beside him and sat across from him.

"Do you want sugar?" Jaebum asked, totally innocent of what was happening.

"Not now." Jaebum looked at him confused. "There is an interesting search history there." Jinyoung pointed his chin at the cellphone in the middle of the bed now.

The actor crossed his legs and arms, staring at Jaebum, who now understood the reason for the boy's face.

"How do you know my password?" He was not accusing, just curious.

"Putting my birthday as a password is not very smart, Im Jaebum."

"Huh, so you- you saw it." This was obvious to the eldest.

Jinyoung didn't look away from Jaebum for a second. His eyes sharpened even stronger, the inner smile that was exposed by one of the slightly pulled corners.

"Do you want to know what it's like?" Jinyoung asked quietly. Jaebum felt his world start to heat up.

"I think I already know a little."

Jinyoung let out a laugh through his nose. "What you researched was just a theory of how to prepare someone, Jaebum. I'm asking if you want to know how to do it in me."

Jaebum tried to bear the gaze of the youngest himself, but he did not succeed for long, as usual.

Jinyoung stood up, kneeling on the bed, pulling up his own shirt to take it off of his body.

His hands went to unbutton his belt when Jaebum held them.

"I do it." His voice was low and thick.

Jaebum opened the dark belt, unbuttoning Jinyoung's pants shortly after. Because he was sitting, his face was towards the exposed belly of the youngest.

Jinyoung took his hands to Jaebum's hair, digging his fingers between the strands as soon as the older man left a kiss on his firm, warm belly.

Jaebum kissed more to the side, lower, close to the navel. Kisses were transformed into light bites, which became stronger bites that turned into light hickeys.

Jinyoung just closed his eyes, tilting his head back, letting his man do what he wanted with himself.

Slowly, Jaebum dragged Jinyoung's pants down, following the path of the garment with his lips. A bite on his right thigh made Jinyoung grip Jaebum's hair tightly, who laughed.

With a single push, pulling him up by the hem of his pants stuck to his knees, Jaebum made Jinyoung stand up on his bed, continuing to follow the path that the actor's pants did with his mouth.

As soon as Jinyoung’s jeans landed on the floor, Jaebum looked up, seeing that Jinyoung's gaze was already fixed on him.

"Turn around."

Jaebum's voice was still low, but this time, the command on it was clear.

“And lean to the wall.”

Jinyoung turned his back to Jaebum, who knelt on the bed, his face inches from the younger's ass.

"You are so beautiful, Nyoungie." Jaebum said as he stroked the young man's defined waist, running his fingertips across his lower back.

Firmly, Jaebum's hands gripped the hem of Jinyoung's black boxer, carefully pulling it down, dragging the fabric over the actor's warm skin.

Removing the piece from Jinyoung's feet, Jaebum moved his hands up the youngest's legs, scratching with his short nail. His fingers went to the side of the actor's body, going up to the hip before going to the waist, which made Jaebum hug Jinyoung's body.

"You know this is killing me, don't you?" Jinyoung said breathlessly.

"I know." Jaebum said before placing a kiss in the middle of Jinyoung's spine.

Jinyoung's ass was leaning against Jaebum's chest, which made the youngest realize that he was still wearing his shirt.

"Take off your shirt, please." The request came through Jinyoung's low voice.

Jaebum took off his shirt, and when he returned his hands to the actor's body, they went straight for the young man's full and soft ass.

Jinyoung was unable to hold the moan stuck in his throat.

After a kiss was placed there on his skin, Jinyoung turned his face to look at Jaebum. "Did you read that in your research?"

"I read that using your mouth was also a way, but I didn't know that after looking at you like that, I would really want to eat you out."

"Jaebum, for fucks-" Jinyoung wavered just at the older man's words.

Jaebum looked at Jinyoung's face, a smile drawing his mouth. "Do you want to?"

"I thought that was me that would teach you."

"Answer me, Jinyoung." Once again the command came within Jaebum's voice, which wasn’t helpful for his knees to remain firm.

Jaebum noticed and grabbed the youngest by the waist, tossing him carefully on his bed.

"Oh, you want to." Jaebum smiled when he saw Jinyoung's red and firm erection.

"You don't have to, using your fingers is more acceptab-"

Jaebum interrupted the actor. "I want to, Jinyoung."

"Shit."

Jaebum smiled, pulling the youngest by the neck, sticking their mouths willingly.

A hot and intense kiss started, Jinyoung's naked and heated body fully surrendered to Jaebum's.

Pinning Jinyoung's lower lip to his teeth, Jaebum pulled him while pulling his head away from the younger's.

Jinyoung looked at him with parted and swollen lips, his big and crave eyes shining.

Jaebum holded Jinyoung's body with careful force, turning him on his back. Bringing one hand up to the actor's nape, he held it tightly, while his other hand pushed Jinyoung's back down, only to then hold the smaller boy's hips, causing him to stand up, while his chest stayed touching the soft mattress.

Jinyoung felt his whole body tremble when Jaebum's hand on the back of his neck went across his spine. The short nails passing through each joint of the bones, causing chills all over his skin.

A kiss was left on the soft flesh of one of the cheeks on Jinyoung's ass, who gasped loudly.

Jinyoung wanted to teach Jaebum how to prepare him, the way he liked it most, but fate seemed to have other plans, because in some inexplicable way, the older man already knew exactly how he liked it.

Jaebum passed days searching for gay sex on Google; the best way to prepare someone or even how to do it, not because he didn't know how to have sex, but because sex with another man was something completely new to him, and mostly, he wanted to know the best ways to not to hurt Jinyoung and also how to make it to be good for both of them.

He didn't want to ask Jinyoung about that, he didn't want to be the new one on all of that. Somehow he wanted to surprise the actor. 

But now, there, with Jinyoung's naked body in his arms, what was more certain to do it didn't even matter at all; His body knew what to do, his hands knew where to go, where to squeeze, what to hold.

And what made it burn the most inside him was how his body wanted Jinyoung.

Jaebum wanted to feel Jinyoung. He wanted to taste it him whole.

"Bumie- oh." Jinyoung tried to get the elder's attention, but all was lost as soon as Jaebum firmly gripped the flesh of Jinyoung's ass with both of his hands.

Pushing the cheeks away, Jaebum felt his belly twist with what he saw. Jinyoung's entrance pulsed slowly, like a silent request, which made Jaebum feel inside him, like it was running all over his body.

"Jaebum, please-"

Jaebum doesn't know what Jinyoung pleaded for, but in the next second, his tongue was already sticking out of his mouth, licking what his eyes are seen it.

"o-Oh!" Jinyoung's fingers tightened on the pillow below him, pushing and pulling the fabric as often as Jaebum's tongue licked his body.

Jaebum got lost right there.

The sounds that Jinyoung was making are because of him. The way Jinyoung's body contorted and pushed against his mouth, it was all because of him. Jaebum.

"Inside.” Jinyoung's voice sounded broken. “Stick your tongue i- inside." And Jaebum did what was asked in the second after. "Yes- yeah."

That was just too much, even for Jinyoung.

He was afraid of losing what was left of control, if any, when it came to Jaebum.

"..Bum ..." The light pillow below his exposed chest was already a mess, as was his body. "Jaebum, please ...-"

Jaebum felt Jinyoung's body squeeze his tongue, which made him pull his face away, but just enough to pull the youngest towards him, sticking the actor's sweaty back against his heated chest.

"I love you." Jaebum said as soon as the back of Jinyoung's head fell on one of his shoulders.

Jinyoung pulled Jaebum's hands towards him, pinning them to the side of his hips, while he started to rub his exposed ass on Jaebum's hard cock, which was still trapped inside his thin shorts.

The thin moans still were coming out of Jinyoung's throat, while his breathing quickened even more.

Jaebum raised one of his hands, leaving his forearm crossed on Jinyoung's chest, while his fingers closed on the youngest's throat, pinning the younger's back head against his shoulder, so that he could better hold Jinyoung's earlobe in his mouth.

"I love you." Jaebum said hoarsely with his lips glued to Jinyoung's ear, who grunted back, rubbing himself even further on the older man's erection.

"Me too- fuck ... me too ... me too- _Jaebum_." Jinyoung really tried to form a sentence before coming in strong and tick drops, without touching or being touched once by Jaebum.

Jaebum laughed hoarsely in his ear, pressing his dick covered by the thin shorts into Jinyoung's naked ass, making the younger man feel the cloth slowly being wet.

The two just stood there, their warm bodies together, feeling each other's rapid and heavy breathing.

"I messed the head of your bed." Jinyoung said with a smirk on his lips, laying his head on Jaebum's shoulder again.

"Did you go that far?" Jaebum laughed weakly in the youngest's neck.

"I have a man who drives me crazy, you know?"

"I also have one, I think we are made for each other, huh?"

Jinyoung smiled, pulling on Jaebum's hands to hug him even more.

"We are."

Jaebum laid Jinyoung's body on his messy bed, holding his gaze on his face, just looking at him, as if he was observing every corner of the other's face.

"What?" Jinyoung asked slowly, taking a hand to caress one of Jaebum's cheeks.

"Just looking at the reason I have happiness in my life again.” 

Jinyoung's smile made Jaebum fall in love one more time that night.

**x**


	7. Prove It

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Its somebody(s) first time.......

Jinyoung discovered something incredible.

At least that was incredible to him.

Since the night that Jaebum had his face on the back of his hip - to not use more intimate words - the two of them were much more _ physical _.

The touches were most frequent, ranging from a simple brush of arms to a stronger grip on the back of the neck when they kissed.

Jinyoung, in particular, liked when one of Jaebum's hands flattened at the end of his spine, whenever the two walked side by side.

Eye glances too also took longer to deviate.

Jaebum, whenever he met Jinyoung's gaze already on him, always tried to support himself by looking back, but he was the first to break contact.

Jinyoung's look was very strong and intense. Always was.

But it was just that.

Nothing had gone further than touching, looking and kissing.

They both knew.

They both knew that if they went any more into it, in whatever could be the way, there wouldn’t be a way back, they would go more and more further, to the end.

Their bodies could feel what they caused each other's.

The tension was huge. Palpable.

Bambam and Yugyeom also noticed, so they couldn't stay close to Jaebum and Jinyoung for more than minutes.

"Why doesn't this… end?" That's what Bambam asked Yugyeom one afternoon, after leaving the shed with his boyfriend, leaving his boss and Jinyoung alone.

"I heard Jaebum hyung saying that he wanted it to be special." Yugyeom replied.

"What?" Bambam looked at his boyfriend. "Their first time?" The thai boy was shocked. "They haven't had sex yet and already have all that sexual tension around them?" Yugyeom could only laugh at his boyfriend's indignation. “Remind me to ask them to let me know when they are going to fuck, so I can go very far away.”  
  


And like that, two weeks went by.

Jinyoung received two more proposals to be a protagonist in films, and were taking his time studying their plot.

What has kept him busy for the past five days.

Jaebum also had something to occupy himself with.

He had received a huge order for the wedding of a daughter of an important politician, and even though it was three months before the event, the order had flowers that he only had in small quantities, making him go after grown seedlings and spend three days in a row planting and caring for them, so that it get used to the soil and could grow more to flourish in the right season and time.  
  


Jinyoung was returning from the train station after leaving Jackson there, who was returning to Seoul, when he saw Jaebum's truck parked in the city. He parked next to it.

Jaebum was nowhere to be seen, but his truck was parked in front of his flower shop, so he would stop there before leaving.

Jinyoung went there, being greeted by Youngjae and his bright smile.

"Hyung!" The youngest one left the counter, going to hug him. Jinyoung smiled back.

"Has your other hyung stopped by here?"

"Not yet." Youngjae returned to behind the counter. "Do you want something? I just made tea. ”

Jinyoung smiled, nodding, making the youngest smile again as he went to get what he had offered.

The actor looked around.

The pots with beautiful and colorful flowers, different species, all very well cared for and looking fresh.

Jinyoung smiled as he lightly stroked one of the green carnations there.

Youngjae returned with a cup, handing it to Jinyoung, who took it with a closed-mouth smile, turning his attention to the flowers, slowly sipping the hot tea.

"Oh." Jaebum was surprised to see Jinyoung there, with a cup in hand, a smile on his face and a calm look. "I didn't expect you here." He said as he approached.

Jinyoung smiled with his eyes. "I saw your car on my way back from the station and came to see you."

"I appreciate it then." Jaebum smiled, closing the gap between the two of them.

Jinyoung lowered his head slightly at the same time as Jaebum raised his to give a chaste kiss on the actor’s forehead.

It was a simple, common gesture, like when someone answers the time. It had been domestic.

It was so common and yet so significant.

Youngjae smiled at that.

Jaebum and Jinyoung did it without realizing it, as they showed no reaction afterwards.

As always. They were just used to each other and everything that involved them.

Jaebum went to the cashier, picking up the record book, examining it carefully.

Jinyoung went to Youngjae, who asked for the empty cup.

"You two are beautiful together, hyung." Youngjae said quietly, smiling, which took Jinyoung by surprise. The older man smiled back, thanking him.

"Youngjae-ah!" Jaebum called, making the youngest come from the small kitchen, at the back of the flower shop. "The order of red roses from Mrs. Oh will be made on saturday, okay?" Youngjae nodded, writing in the diary in front of him. "We already received all the orders for this week, right?"

"Yes, I already made the deposit as well." The youngest replied.

"Right." Jaebum scrawled something on the papers he was holding. "Thanks."

Jinyoung looked closely at what was happening in front of him.

Jaebum was focused on his work. His gaze wandering between the papers in his one hand to the other that was typing the calculator.

Youngjae excused himself to finish what he was doing in the store's small warehouse, leaving Jinyoung watching Jaebum alone.

Jaebum had not realized that the youngest among them had left, his entire concentration on the papers and accounts he was doing.

Jinyoung, who was looking at him while sitting on the only high stool there, in front of the counter, leaned over there, resting his head on one hand.

Jaebum looked around, looking for Youngjae, Jinyoung laughed.

"He left minutes ago." Jinyoung said amused. Yes, he was finding it all of that incredible, seeing Jaebum on his entrepreneurial side and owner of an entire business.

Jaebum's mouth formed a small "o", returning to what he was doing.

"If I can help with something, I’m here, okie?" Jinyoung offered. Jaebum looked at him. "If it's something I can do, just tell me."

Jaebum smiled.

"I just wanted to confirm one last thing with Youngjae." Jaebum said with a smile on his lips.

"Oh, right." Jinyoung got off the high stool, heading for the inside of the counter, next to the older one. "I was ready to put into practice the little that I learned in business classes at college." Jaebum smiled. "Ask me for help with something, _ hyung _." The honorific was said in a sly tone.

Jaebum stopped smiling as soon as he heard _ that _.

Jinyoung, obviously, realized.

The smile on the lips and the actor's eyes grew slowly.

"Do you like it when I call you hyung, Im Jaebum?" Jinyoung's tone was completely opposite to the serene expression that he has on his face.

Jaebum's clenched jaw was clear, as was his controlled breathing, forced to keep his pace calm.

"Oh, you like it." Jinyoung continued where he was, just bringing his face close to the older one. "_ Hyung _."

Jaebum only realized that he had dropped what he had in his hands when he saw his right hand going to close around Jinyoung's neck.

Jinyoung's satisfied and victorious smile filled the entire flower shop.

"You learn fast." Jinyoung said as he raised his hands to Jaebum's, who was inches from his neck. "I like that." He raised the elder's hand to his lips, kissing the tip of his index finger.

"Jinyoung." Jaebum did not know if he wanted to ask for Jinyoung to stop or continue.

The actor took his tongue out of his mouth just to let the tip of it touch Jaebum’s digitals. “I”m going first, I still have some things to take home." Jinyoung smiled, as if in seconds he wasn't provoking the man in front of him. "I'll go straight to your place later."

It was not a request.

_ It was an announcement. _

Jinyoung approached, making his thighs stick to Jaebum's while he left a firm kiss on the right corner of the older's lips.

"Love you." He said as he smiled.

Jaebum took a deep breath, letting out a laugh as he exhaled. "I fucking love you too."

Smiling, Jinyoung walked around the counter, going to the door of the flower shop, looking back to send a small kiss to Jaebum, who was still looking at him.

The concentration of before never returned and Jaebum could only laugh at himself for that.

Youngjae returned and they resolved the few things still pending.

"Hyung." Jaebum looked at the younger one calling him. "You forgot your coat."

It is obvious that this was because of Jinyoung, both forgetting the jacket and the fact that Youngjae calling him hyung did not cause anything in himself.

_ It was just Jinyoung. _

_ Was always. _

_ For everything. _

Jaebum only remembers to get in his truck and head home in a hurry.

For what he didn't know yet.

But he wanted to.

**x**

Jaebum was putting food for Nora when he heard a soft knock on the glass door that leads to the living room balcony.

Jinyoung was blowing his hands in order to warm it up when Jaebum ran the door aside, opening it. The actor rushed in, closing the door behind himself.

The winter was already giving signs that it would starts.

"Do you want some tea?" Jaebum offered, running his hands over Jinyoung's arms, warming him up.

The actor nodded, going to sit on the sofa, taking the blanket from there to cover himself.

Jaebum smiled, going to the kitchen; He took Jinyoung's mug, putting the freshly brewed tea in it.

The actor smiled gratefully as he received the cup, taking small sips afterwards.

They stayed like that for a while.

Jaebum starts to watch Jinyoung's every little move and details.

Jinyoung warming himself up with the tea. The pout his mouth was making when he blew the cup. His eyes closing a little more than normal, causing wrinkles around its corners.

They always had moments like that, when nothing was said, because it didn't need to. There were moments where they just felt each other's presence, together, side by side.

"Warm enough?" Jaebum asked after Jinyoung finished the tea.

"My boyfriend's hug is what's missing now." Jinyoung said as he put the cup on the floor, close to the sofa.

Jaebum smiled again, opening his arms, where Jinyoung snuggled in easily.

"I always think that term _ boyfriend _ is not enough." Jaebum said vaguely. Jinyoung raised his face from the elder's chest. “I feel that being your boyfriend is a small thing close to what we are. To what I feel. ” Jinyoung was still looking at him. "Don't you feel that way?"

"Yes and no." The actor said. "Calling you my boyfriend makes me feel like a teenager again." Jinyoung laughed. "But I also feel that you are way more than that." Jaebum stroked his cheek. "But if it's to give a name, a boyfriend is better suited, isn't it?"

Jaebum's nose and lips pursed, showing that he was pondering something.

"I can't call you _ my man _ in front of other people, Jaebum." Jinyoung laughed. Jaebum did the same.

"Love of my life then?" Jaebum offered, which made the actor smile, shaking his head. "Future husband?"

"Do you want to marry me, Jaebum?" Jinyoung asked in amusement.

"I thought that was clear." Jaebum replied matter-of-factly, taking Jinyoung by surprise. "Really? You didn't know that, Jinyoungie?!"

Jaebum laughed heartily, making his eyes narrow, his head hanging back.

"Stop laughing, Jaebum!" Jinyoung pushed one of the bigger arms, which was still laughing.

"I just accept to be called a future husband now." Jaebum joked.

Jinyoung rolled his eyes. He can’t stay losing. "How about hyung?" And the laughter that Jaebum was having was swallowed up in a second. He only could straighten his posture and force himself to breathe calmly. "_ Jaebum hyung. _"

The two words, that come out dancing across Jinyoung's lips, running through Jaebum's entire body before entering his ears.

"There's nothing here to make me stop, Jinyoung." Jaebum tried to alert.

The actor smiled, taking the blanket off his shoulders before sitting on Jaebum’s lap the next second. "I know."

Jinyoung, slowly, took both his hands to his boyfriend's, bringing them to his own shoulders, and looking deep into Jaebum's eyes, he said again, with more taste than before. "_ Hyung. _"

One of Jaebum's hands went to the back of the actor's neck, grabbing the hair there, while the other was splayed on the throat.

Jinyoung's smile was low, exactly because that was what he wanted.

Breaking Jaebum was what he most liked to do.

"Do you still have the idea of making our first time being special?" Jinyoung asked through his teeth, moving his hands up over the older man's broad shoulders.

"How do you know that?" Jaebum forced himself to remain centered.

Jinyoung arranged himself on the older man's lap, pressing the volume on his own pants on his abdomen. "I know you, Jaebu- _ ahr _ ." Jinyoung gasped when he felt the hair on the back of his neck being pulled. "Tighten the front too, _ hyun- _"

The sound of Jinyoung choking filled the whole living room.

Jaebum had squeezed Jinyoung's neck, where his right hand was.

If Jinyoung liked to break Jaebum apart, Jaebum liked to make Jinyoung want to be breaking apart.

Gently pulling the hair on the back of Jinyoung's neck again, just enough for the youngest to tilt his head back, exposing his neck, Jaebum brought his lips to the skin there, pressing kisses to where he had just squeezed.

"Jaebum."

"Hm?"

The eldest did not stop what he was doing.

Jaebum kissed and let his hot breath hit the skin that he made it wet from the kisses.

"Jaebum." Jinyoung tried again, even though he didn't know what he was trying to do.

Jaebum removed his face from Jinyoung's neck while he released his hair, letting the younger boy's head go forward.

His eyes locked. They were sharp, fighting for dominance, expressing what their bodies wanted.

"What do you want, Jinyoung?" Jaebum offered, his voice low, his warm breath getting out with every word.

"You." Jinyoung responded intensely, holding tightly to the fabric of Jaebum's shirt. "And you want me back."

"I never said I don’t." Jaebum squeezed the actor's thighs that were next to his.

"But I want you now." Jinyoung lifted his body slightly, pressing his hard cock into Jaebum's firm belly.

"Our first time has to be special." Jaebum pondered.

Jinyoung howled in frustration. "Anytime is going to be special, Jaebum, shit-" Jinyoung was taken aback by being lifted. "If you're not going to fuck me then don't-"

"This is what you want?" Jaebum asked as he carried Jinyoung on his lap, holding tightly to his thigh.

"Where are you taking me?"

"I think you're smarter than that, Jinyoungie." Jaebum smiled at the youngest's neck, going up the stairs.

"Jaebum, I don't want to go to your room."

Jinyoung felt frustrated. He knew that his boyfriend wanted their first time to be special, but he couldn't wait any longer. He needed Jaebum.

And it would be special, wherever they went, wherever would be. He knew it was going to be special, because it was with the man he loves.

Jaebum put Jinyoung on the floor, in front of his bedroom door.

"You really don't want to come in?" Jaebum asked while smiling, which pissed off Jinyoung even more.

"Of course I want to come in. I have to sleep, haven’t I?" The actor snorted. "I'm not going home in this cold."

Before Jinyoung opened the door, Jaebum stopped him.

"You look even more beautiful when you’re angry." Jaebum turned Jinyoung's body delicately, leaving him with his back to himself.

"I would say frustrated."

"Hot and needy too." Jaebum completed, but before Jinyoung turned to complain, Jaebum opened the door to his room, leaving the actor to look into the place.

The light was low, the only points of light were small candles on top of the shelves and the bedside tables in Jaebum's room. There weren’t petals on the floor or on the bed like in movies, but there was a single green carnation in the middle of the bed, resting on top of the soft white comforter.

The smell there was Jaebum's, but also Jinyoung's. The perfect blend of woody and citrusy scent.

That was exactly what they would consider special.

It was simple. Unique.

_ It was them.  
  
_

"I want you as much as you want me, Jinyoung." Jaebum started. "I want you since you left." Jinyoung turned to look at him. "I've wanted you since you came back." Jaebum approached the actor's immobile body, who was staring at him. “Everything is going to be special with you. Already is." Jaebum raised a hand to Jinyoung's face, stroking the soft cheek.

Jinyoung smiled tightly, his eyes smiling together, as he made his face touch Jaebum's hand even more.

Jinyoung closed his eyes as soon as he felt Jaebum's lips seeking his own. His hands went up more in need than usual, reaching for the older man's broad shoulders, pulling his large body toward him.

His kiss remained calm, but the intensity was already huge.

It was a slow kiss, but it was as if each coming and going of the tongues and touches of the lips stung and weighed heavily.

The bodies were glued tightly together, as if they wanted to merge.

The two pairs of hands showing how much of want and need were inside that kiss.

Jinyoung broke the kiss when he felt Jaebum pull his coat out of his arms.

Their breath hitting the other's chin was hot and rhythmic.

Their eyes were glued together again.

And that was exactly how they took off each other's clothes.

Jaebum held the hem of Jinyoung's shirt, looking at him steadily, as he dragged the fabric upwards.

Jinyoung didn't blink once when he did the same to Jaebum.

But it couldn't last any longer.

They needed each other.

Eliminating the pants was in the middle of a mess of kisses and bites on the neck and shoulders.

Jinyoung made a move to go to bed, but Jaebum couldn't stay even seconds away from the body of the man he loves.

"Jaebu-ohm"

Jaebum glued his body to Jinyoung's back, leaving the actor between him and the bed.

As in automatic mode, Jinyoung's head fell backwards, resting on Jaebum's shoulder, while one of the older man's hands went up to his neck while the other went down his firm abdomen, stopping only to break the barrier of the underwear Jinyung was still using.

The sly moan that Jinyoung let out was only inches from one of Jaebum's ears, who now had both hands full with the actor: the left closed around his neck while the right held Jinyoung's hard, luscious cock.

The actor's spine curved with every movement Jaebum made inside his underwear, which resulted in his butt rubbing against Jaebum's dick.

His limit was coming before they even started, Jinyoung knew that.

"I love you." Jaebum said hoarsely and suddenly, his lips pressed to one of Jinyoung's ears, who felt his whole body react to what he had just heard.

"Jaebum." Jinyoung didn't know why he said the man's name, he just wanted to make it clear that all of that was caused by him and only him.

"Put one leg on the bed." Jaebum asked quietly.

It didn't take Jinyoung a second longer to do what was said and then Jaebum's hand, which was on his dick, went to his ass.

Another groan coming from Jinyoung.

"I love you." Jaebum said again.

"Me too- Uh." The noise that came out of Jinyoung's throat was tricky and soft.

Jaebum entered Jinyoung with his index finger, - there was no restraint, as it was already wet with the actor's pre-came, as well as his whole hand -.

"I already di- I already did it." Jinyoung said with difficulty.

Jaebum laughed. "Did you already come with the intention to do this, huh?" Jaebum teased while adding another finger inside the actor.

“Oh, fuc- yes! Yes. Yes."

Jaebum laughed again. "So can I stop?"

Jinyoung hurriedly took his hands to Jaebum's that was still at his throat, forcing it to stay there. "No."

"No?"

"Unless you already want to fuck me." Jinyoung, even a mess, with two fingers inside his ass and his neck being squeezed slightly, still managed to tease his man.

It is obvious that he could do it.

"Are you going to fuck me now, Jaebum?" The actor bent his back more, making Jaebum's fingers go deeper into him, and brushing his butt against the older man's hard dick.

Jaebum knew what Jinyoung would say, so he quickly removed his hand from his neck to bring it to the youngest's mouth, preventing the “hyung” from coming out of his lips.

Jaebum took his fingers out of Jinyoung assvjust to pull down the black boxer that the actor was still wearing in the next second.

Jinyoung laughed heartily as soon as he was thrown on the older man's bed, spreading his legs wide, letting Jaebum look at every corner of his body.

“Take this off." Jinyoung said slyly, pointing with his chin at the boxer Jaebum still wore. "Take it off and come make me yours, Jaebum."

Jaebum knew he was going to go crazy.

He already was.  
  


And with his eyes fixed on the actor’s, Jaebum entered Jinyoung's body.

Slowly and calmly feeling Jinyoung receive him in every second that was passing.

Tasting Jinyoung. Little by little.

Jinyoung took Jaebum as a perfect link. Like a puzzle.

Jaebum fit perfectly inside him.

Jinyoung was filled as never before.

"Are you feeling it too?" Jinyoung managed to say.

Jaebum blew out a breath with a smile. "Yeah."

"We are one, Jaebum." Jinyoung held his man's face in his hands. "_ My Jaebum. _"

The smile that tried to appear on their lips was prevented by the needy kiss that started.

The movements were slow, precise, necessary. They wanted to record that in every detail. They wanted to remember the feeling of togetherness, of becoming one. To have the other inside and out.

"Take." Jinyoung said between heavy breathing. He ran his fingers through Jaebum's sweat-soaked hair. “Take what is yours, Jaebum. Take what you want. ”

Jaebum just took a deep breath, bringing one hand to one of Jinyoung's thighs, bringing it close to his chest.

In the next second, Jaebum's hips popped nonstop against Jinyoung's ass.

Without fear. Without restriction. Without restraint.

Their moans and lost words filled the entire room.

Their hands pulled and brought more and more the other to themselfs. They wanted more of each other.

It was desire. It was carnal. It was hot and precise.

It was the certainty that it had always been their fate, which was predicted to happen.

And, mainly, it was the affirmation that the two were one.

It was love.

In its complete form.

  
And between moans and I love you’s, the two have settled in a single body.

The mess made between their bodies meant nothing close to how much they wanted each other.

And it had been like that all night.

And each time it was different.

Each time a new certainty was merged and realized.

  
  


_ Little more, little more, han georeum deo _

**..**


	8. Ride

The brightness of the sun invaded the room through the gaps in the curtain.

On the bed, in the middle of a mess of pillows and comforter, Jaebum watched Jinyoung sleep peacefully.

An involuntary smile was on his lips as he looked at every little detail in the face of the man that has been entirely yours last night.

The thick eyebrows, the bridge of the nose upturned, the marked jaw, the full and pink lips.

The thick strands of his dark hair were behind or on top of the pillow, leaving his face even more free and clean to be admired.

Because that was exactly what Jaebum was doing.

He was admiring Jinyoung.

And slowly, Jaebum reached over to take one of his cameras from the nightstand drawer beside him.

It is one of your favorite film cameras.

Positioning it on his face, he focused on Jinyoung's serene face and took a photo.

The _ click _ made Jinyoung move, and before Jaebum could hide the evidence of what he was doing, Jinyoung was already looking at him, smiling.

Jaebum smiled back, resting the camera on one temple.

“Good Morning” Jaebum asked as he was trying to hold back an embarrassed smile.

Jinyoung didn't respond. Instead, a pout was formed on his lips while his body was approaching Jaebum and his arms were circling the man around his waist.

A murmur, which neither of them understood, came out of Jinyoung's throat when he hid his face in the gap in Jaebum's neck.

Jaebum left the camera on the pillow that Jinyoung was using to hug him back.

It was cozy to be there. It was right. Natural.

“Shall we take pictures today?” Jinyoung's muffled voice asked.

Jaebum pulled away a little, but just enough to look at Jinyoung's face.

Jinyoung still had his eyes closed, his body still lazy and sleepy, but in his mouth he had a small, closed smile. His trademark.

“So you can take pictures of me in beautiful places”

Jaebum kissed Jinyoung's forehead before answering. “I don't care about the places, just you being in the photo.”

Jinyoung opened his eyes, looking at himself in Jaebum's. “So why don’t you take pictures now?” Jinyoung pulled the comforter down, exposing his naked body. “Like that?”

Jaebum looked at Jinyoung's naked body before returning to his face and one of his hands looking for the camera again.

Jinyoung laughed, but soon got out of bed, letting the comforter and sheets slip off his body and he headed towards the bathroom of Jaebum's room. “You're not coming?” Jinyoung looked back, seeing Jaebum staring at him. “We will take pictures outside today, and later you can photograph all of me, in whatever way you want it.” He left the suggestion in the air. “But first let's take a shower, come on.”

Jaebum did not take longer to go.

  
It was Jaebum who was driving Jinyoung's truck.

One hand on the steering wheel, the other resting on the door, elbow out of the open window.

Occasionally, he would look sideways, towards Jinyoung, seeing him with his arms crossed on the open window ledge, his face catching the light wind, his hair flying back. His expression was clean, his eyebrows relaxed.

Jinyoung was one of the most beautiful people Jaebum had ever seen. He was sure of that.

But at the same time that Jaebum was aware of Jinyoung's existence at his side, the actor was also in the same situation. And Jinyoung, in that moment, even more after what had happened last night, could no longer deal with the fact that he _ had _ the man of his life and that he could continue to have it, anytime he wanted.

“Stop the car.” Jinyoung asked and, as soon as Jaebum did, Jinyoung approached, putting himself in his lap in seconds, facing each other.

Jaebum looked at him from below, smiling at Jinyoung's smile. “Do you need anything, Jinyoungie?” Jaebum asked already with his hands buried in Jinyoung's tick hips.

“You.”Jinyoung replied before sticking his mouth on Jaebum's, in a hurry.

Now that he can have Jaebum whenever he wants, he won’t ever stop having him.

He waited too long for this.  
  


Jinyoung was walking calmly through the extensive field of small wild daisies near the road.

He looked back at Jaebum's camera from time to time and smiled or raised his eyebrows.

Jaebum smiled behind the camera every time as he shot it.

Jinyoung was wearing Jaebum's clothes, with a new mark made by Jaebum on his neck.

Jaebum laughed when Jinyoung sat on the floor, asking him to take a picture of him closer to the small daisies.

“Wait! Wait!” Jinyoung said laughing. “Let me do a beautiful pose.”

“You are all beautiful, Jinyoung.” Jaebum said behind the camera, which made Jinyoung pretend to roll his eyes.

Jinyoung looked to the side, propping himself up on one elbow, leaving his expression firm.

Jaebum took the photo.

“Now you.” Jinyoung said while getting up.

“Me? No. Only you.”

Jinyoung pretended not to hear when he took his own camera out of his pocket, forcing his man to sit where he was.

Jaebum looked at him, not knowing what to do, wanting to laugh.

Jinyoung laughed with him and positioned the camera on his face.

He managed to catch the moment when Jaebum looked down, playing with one of the daisies on his fingers.

The two continued to take pictures. Sometimes from each other, sometimes from the landscape itself.

Often of each other, but without the other realizing it.

Photos of the other taking a picture of something, with the camera positioned on the face.

In a moment, the two looked at each other, both with the cameras on their faces, their focus on themselves.

_ Click. _

_ Click. _

The picture Jaebum took was of a concentrated Jinyoung, one of his eyes closed and his lips parted in concentration.

The photo Jinyoung took was of Jaebum smiling, the camera covering his mouth, but his narrowed eyes showing that he was smiling.

The two laughed at that together as they lowered the cameras.

“I love you.” Jaebum let it out, smooth. Like a breath.

Jinyoung took the hand that Jaebum offered him, going to hold on to the hug he knew he would win.

He didn't have to answer that. They both already knew what they felt.

They were no longer in the confirmation phase of anything.

Just live what the mutual feeling offered them.  
  


On the way home, with the sun already setting, they passed through the city to buy things to prepare dinner.

In the kitchen at Jaebum's house, Jinyoung was turning on the oven while Jaebum was pouring two glasses of wine.

The fireplace was already lit, the lights in the living room were low. The two of them went to sit on the sofa as soon as Jaebum put dinner in the oven.

They had some time like that until it was ready.

Jinyoung connected his player to Jaebum's speaker, letting a calm and ambient music play.

They both laughed as they looked at each other.

It hadn't been on purpose, but the music that started playing was the one they always listened to together when they were younger.

Jaebum set his wine glass on the coffee table before getting up. He took the glass from Jinyoung's hands.

Jinyoung let himself be pulled from the sofa, already smiling when Jaebum took his hands to support his shoulders, while he embraced Jinyoung's waist.

“What? Have you always wanted to dance to this song with me?” Jinyoung asked playfully. His body swaying next to Jaebum's.

“Yes.” Jaebum confessed. Jinyoung looked at him in surprise. “I still remember how angry I was to see you dancing to this song with the daughter of the Kim’s at her birthday party.” Jaebum made a face. “This song has always been our favorite, it was with me that you had to dance, not with Yeji.”

“Yeri.” Jinyoung corrected.

“Do you still remember her name?” Jaebum pretended to be sulky.

“Oh, I remember her a lot.” Jinyoung joined the game.

“Ah, you remember…” Jaebum pulled Jinyoung's body closer to him. “So what more do you remember? Tell me, I'm curious.”

Jinyoung gave a unique laugh before wrapping his arms around Jaebum's neck.

“I remember when we attended the first church feast together.” Jinyoung started. “Yeri was in the kissing booth. I was dying to go there.”

Jaebum raised an eyebrow.

“I wanted to stay close by to see if you would get in line.” Jinyoung said before smiling sideways. “I had two tickets for the ferris wheel with me, in case you go to the kissing booth and I may have some excuse to get you out of there.”

Jaebum was unable to answer. He just looked at Jinyoung. Looking at his whole face, a smile gradually increasing on his lips.

“I never used those tickets,” Jinyoung said. “because you didn't get in line.”

"I missed a ride on the ferris wheel with you." Jaebum said with a pout on his lips.

Jinyoung smiled, his body dancing to the slow rhythm of the music and glued to Jaebum's.

“Let's hope for the city's spring festival to bring a ferris wheel, so I'll finally be able to invite you for a ride with me.” Jinyoung said smiling, his eyes closing for that.

He leaned over and gave Jaebum a soft kiss on the lips before hugging him tighter and gluing his face to Jaebum's, making them dance together.

  
They stayed that way for three more songs before the timer went off, indicating that what was in the oven was done and that they can have dinner.

As soon as everything in the kitchen was clean, they went up to Jaebum's room.

Jinyoung went to change first and, as soon as he sat on the bed, his cell phone, which was forgotten on the nightstand, vibrated.

There were more than twenty missed calls from Jackson.

He preferred to read his messages before returning calls.

Jinyoung held his breath.  
  


_ You don't want to answer me, so I'll talk to you here. _

_ Lee Jinki wants you for his new movie, but you need to confirm by tomorrow. The first cast meeting is going to be in five days.  
  
_

Jinyoung looked around the room. Jaebum was still in the bathroom.  
  


_ This has always been your dream, Yongie. _

_ He will understand.  
  
_

Jinyoung felt breathless.  
  


He had been invited to be the new protagonist on the new film of the director's that he had always admired.

It was big.

It was huge.

He didn't want it to have a "but", but there was.

He would have to leave Jaebum again. How would he react?

“Jinyoungie?” Jaebum called. Jinyoung looked at him. “Something happens, love?”

Jaebum sat next to him. A worried expression on his face.

Jinyoung didn't know how to start talking.

“You're worrying me.”

“You trust me, right?” Jinyoung started. Jaebum frowned, not understanding.

“I do.”

“I was invited to be the protagonist of the new Lee Jinki’s movie.” Jinyoung said with a breath.

“Jinyoungie, this is amazing!” Jaebum said while pulling Jinyoung in a tight hug.

Jinyoung says it in a low tone. “You do not care?”

“What?” Jaebum found himself not understanding again. “Why would I-”

“I need to go to Seoul tomorrow if I accept the role.” Jinyoung says as he exits the hug to look at Jaebum's face.

Oh.

Jaebum understood now.

Jaebum smiled tightly.

“Jinyoung.” Jaebum called him, raised a hand to hold Jinyoung's chin, lifting his head. “That's your job.” He started. “I can't stand between you and your work.”

“Don't you mind if I leave?”

Jaebum laughed softly. “You're not leaving.” Jinyoung looked surprised. “You promised me you would never leave again.” He says with a soft smile on his face. “And I believe you.”

Jinyoung couldn't believe what he heard. His eyes burned for holding back the crying.

“Jinyoungie, babe.” Jaebum called while laughing, pulling his boyfriend's body for a hug. “I'm happy for you. I really am.” He started stroking Jinyoung's back. “And the most important thing is that I am happy with you.”

Jaebum pulled Jinyoung away from him, making him look at him.

“I believed you when you said that you would never leave again, that day, in the rain.” Jaebum smiled small. “So I know you're not leaving. You just will go.” Jaebum took his hands to Jinyoung's in his lap. “But you will come back.”

“I will come back.” Jinyoung confirmed.

“I know.” Jaebum brought Jinyoung's right hand to his lips. “You promised me a ride on the ferris wheel.” Jaebum kisses the fingers that are leaning against his lips.

Jinyoung smiled, letting his tears finally fall from his eyes.

  
  


**..**

  
  


The days were torturous.

They passed slowly.

Jaebum knew that one hour he couldn't take it anymore.

It was already the sixth month of filming for Jinyoung, and they only managed to see each other once in all that time, four months ago.

It was nobody's fault, the filming of Jinyoung's film was being made in different countries, which made it impossible for them to see each other.

It was nobody’s fault, indeed, but that didn’t mean that either side was okay with it or not frustrated with that.

Jaebum dropped the papers in his hands.

It was already the fifth time that he tried to concentrate to read what was in it. No matter how many times he forced himself to focus, it was no use.

Leaning his elbows on his desk, he let his head hang in his hands, taking a deep breath, frustrated.  
  


“You go-”

“No, you go!”

“He has more patience for you, Yug, you go.”

“I can hear you two.” Jaebum interrupted Bambam and Yugyeom attempt to whisper.

Yugyeom approached slowly. “Hm, hyung…” Jaebum raised his head to look at him. Yugyeom grunted.

Bambam saw that his boyfriend was going to give up and held him in place. 

“Hyung, we came here to ask if you want to go out with us today.”

Jaebum looked at him confused.

“Go to Hyunwoo hyung's bar.” Yugyeom completed. “We can't stand to see you-”

Bambam covered Yugyeom's mouth, smiling at Jaebum. “To loosen up, hyung, to loosen up.” Bambam hurried to say. “To relax a little, you know?!”

Jaebum looked at them both, and a small smile broke out on his lips. “Okay.”

Bambam and Yugyeom looked at each other in surprise. Bambam still with one hand covering Yugyeom's mouth.

“So we're leaving early, okay?” Bambam announced. “You know, to get ready.”

Jaebum just nodded, watching the two of them hurry out of the barn.  
  


Jaebum really needed that.

He was never a person that expressed himself very much, especially to the two youngest in front of him, but he was too grateful to have found them.

It was a mutual help. A mutual fund.

Damn, he was getting emotional inside a bar, with a mug of beer in his hand while looking at Bambam and Yugyeom laughing out loud.

“Hyung?” Yugyeom called. Jaebum looked at him. “It's everything okay?”

Jaebum smiled tightly. - Yes, everything is fine, I just-”

_  
I miss him. I miss having him. I miss what he make me feel. _

  
“Hyung.” It was Bambam's turn to speak. “It’s been three years.”

Jaebum did not understand.

“That you found him.” Yugyeom completed.

“Yugyeom wanted to say that he is grateful for that.” Bambam said, receiving an elbow from Yugyeom.

“Who wants to say that is you!”

“Yes, but it would be weird if I said that out loud.” They both laughed. Bambam looked back at Jaebum. “I'm going to say a few things now, so pay attention, hyung.”

“He's ashamed, hyung.”

“Shut up, you giant!” Bambam kicked Yugyeom under the table. “Hyung.” He started. “Woah, this is difficult.” Bambam laughed. Yugyeom clasped their hands together. “Hyung, thanks for giving me something I didn't have.” He looked at Yugyeom. “You gave me a home, a feeling of belonging.” Bambam smiled tightly. “You gave me a family.”

“You even gave him a boyfriend, hyung!” Yugyeom said proudly, making them both laugh at him.

“Great way to ruin things, big dick.” Bambam pretended to be upset, which made Yugyeom laugh and hug him.

“Love ya.” Yugyeom blow a kiss to him.

“What I wanted to say is that I really feel grateful for you, but even more, I feel so much more grateful for being able to accompany you by allowing yourself to live again.” Bambam says while a true smile was dancing on his face. “Thank you for helping me. For helping us.” He looked at Yugyeom. “But an even more thanks is for you to be brave, true and kind with yourself.”

Jaebum smiled. A true and sincere smile.

“I thank you both too.” Jaebum said after a while. Bambam and Yugyeom looked at him in surprise. “You two came when I really needed some noise around the farm.”

“Woah!” Yugyeom said excitedly. “Jaebum hyung manages to make my heart beat fast even though he says that find us noisy.”

Bambam was just as excited. “I know, right !? It's his charm.”

The three laughed together, making the night lighter.

_  
Jinyoung would like to be here. _

  
It was what was on Jaebum's mind.

But this time, missing Jinyoung did not consume him in an overwhelming way.

The longing just came and stayed there, making him want Jinyoung to also feel the good feeling that he was feeling too.

Jaebum's attention shifted to his cell phone vibrating in his pocket.

It was a message.

A work proposal.

Smiling, he showed the contents of the message to the two in front of him.

“What is it?”

“Hyung, this is not the time to talk about wor- Oh!” Bambam stopped the sentence in the middle.

Yugyeom read it too, widening his eyes. “This is huge, hyung!”

“But has one thing that worries me.” Bambam rambled, showing concern, which made Jaebum and Yugyeom look at him. “We will need suits for this. Expensive suits.” His smile made Jaebum roll his eyes.

Of course, Bambam would use that as an excuse to get new clothes.

Yugyeom laughed at his boyfriend, who was already looking for designs on the internet on his cell phone.

Jaebum could only agree.

He would also need one, after all, that was an important job.

For an important person.

Perhaps the most important.

Whom did Jaebum want to deceive? There was no _ perhaps _ there.

  
  


**..**

  
  


Taking a deep breath, Jinyoung opened his eyes, looking at his own reflection in the mirror in front of him.

He was impeccable in that dark suit, his hair neat, the perfect tie around his neck.

But the nervousness was immense.

This was not the first premiere he was going to, but somehow this particular one was making him nervous as he had never been before.

If it was the weight of being a superproduction film, in which he was the protagonist? Probably.

Lies, that was exactly it.

Jinyoung was living one of his biggest dreams, seeing everything he ever wanted to become real.

He was dying of nervousness in his expensive, tailored suit.

“I can see your sweat from here.” Jackson's voice was present as soon as he entered Jinyoung's hotel room. “The Dispatch photographer is already downstairs to take some pictures before the premiere.”

“Do I really have to do this?” Jinyoung asked with a pout on his lips. Jackson laughed.

“That doesn't work for me, Park-nim.” Jackson said as he pulled Jinyoung out of the room. “Now go and show everyone your beauty. If you need anything, I'll be around.”

Jinyoung nodded, but, before closing the door, called Jackson again. “Someone called me?”

“Not yet.” Jackson replied with a closed smile.

He knew who Jinyoung was referring to.

Nodding his head, understanding, Jinyoung let the door close behind him.  
  
  
Seoul was always crowded. Car traffic everywhere principally.

Which didn't help Jinyoung's nervousness inside the car that took him to the _ Mayday _ premiere location.

Taking a deep breath for the thousandth time that night, Jinyoung prepared to get out of the car upon realizing that he had arrived.

And as a perfect take, Jinyoung was playing another character. The one that he can play perfectly.

A Jinyoung with no nervousness, just confidence. The actor Park Jinyoung.

It looked like a slow motion scene when Jinyoung got out of the car, straightened the suit itself, looked around, greeting anyone who saw it.

Smiling small, but enough, what made him get even more clicks and flashes directed at him.

Jinyoung started walking on the big and extensive red carpet in front of him.

And between smiles and discreet poses for the various photographers who were there, his attention was now turned to something else in particular:

Jinyoung noticed the decoration that was there.

Arrangements of green carnations, of different sizes, along the red carpet.

Arrangements that extended to the event's entrance, Jinyoung noted.

Smiling, unlike the smile he was giving to photographers so far, he approached one of the arrangements.

Letting his fingers take one of the flowers from there, Jinyoung approached one of the flowers to his face, with the same smile still dancing on his lips, before looking sideways, looking. Searching for.  
  


He knew who was responsible for the arrangements.

Because it was the same one that is responsible for your heart.

  
“Are you looking for someone, Jinyoung-ssi?” One of the reporters asked.

That made Jinyoung smile even more.

That question had fallen on Jinyoung's ears in an ambiguous way.

He was actually looking for someone, there, at that time.

But he wasn't looking for it either, because he had already found who he always looked for. Ten years ago. Now.

And he was there, at the end of the red carpet, with a bouquet of flowers in his hands, looking at him with a smile on his face.

  
“ _ I already found it. _ ” Jinyoung replied, looking at Jaebum, who was just a few steps away from him. “ _ Even though I never lost it. _”

  
Jinyoung felt his heart racing when he saw Jaebum slowly open his arms.

God only knows how much he held himself back from running across the red carpet at that very moment.

“Please, excuse me for a second.”

It was just what Jinyoung managed to say before he started walking towards Jaebum, who increased his smile with each step Jinyoung was taken closer to him.

  
There would be pictures of that hug in many websites and newspapers, Jinyoung knew that.

There would be a lot of speculation as well.

But Jinyoung could not worry about anything other than the smell and warmth of Jaebum's body around him.

  
“I missed you.” That's what Jinyoung managed to say, low, on Jaebum's neck.

Jaebum tightened his embrace before walking away.

“I thought we were already used to missing each other.” Jinyoung laughed. “Congratulations. I'm proud of you.” Jaebum said when offering the bouquet of flowers he had in hand. Jinyoung grabbed it. Jaebum moved his face to the side of the actor’s face. “I love you.”

Yes, there would also be the possibility of photos from that moment, but this time, the attention would be on the size of the smile plastered on Jinyoung's face.

  
  
The interviews with the cast and directors were starting, but generally that wasn't something that required a certain kind of delay - because Jackson had already warned the press that Jinyoung would answer only questions related to his career and the film, too.

It was common for the interviews to take place in the same cinema that would pass the first session of the film to be premiered, so Jinyoung was able to see all the seats from where he was, as well as the guests and spectators were able to see the interviewees clearly.

But it took no more than mere seconds for him to find where Jaebum was sitting, and beside him were Bambam and Yugyeom, who did not suppress cries of praise for Jinyoung from where they were.

“It looks like you have real fans around here, Jinyoung-ssi.” The interviewer said in a cheerful tone.

Jinyoung laughed, looking at the two younger ones, who were smiling excitedly in his direction. “Looks like I have.”

“Jinyoung hyung, I love you!” Yugyeom and Bambam shouted together, each raising an arm and joining them on their heads, forming a heart.

Jinyoung laughed even more, thanking his head, wandering his gaze to Jaebum, who smiled tightly, but happy with all of that.

“Is there any last message you want to give us today, Jinyoung-ssi?” The interviewer asked before the conclusion of the interviews.

Jinyoung arranged himself on the high stool he was sitting on, raising the microphone to his mouth. “ I first wanted to thank everyone here for their affection and presence. I would like to thank Director Lee for the trust and for making one of my biggest dreams come true.” The director smiled at Jinyoung, who smiled back. “I would like to thank my family who are there and have always been for me.” Jinyoung smiled at his mother, who was sitting in one of the first rows. “ And a big and huge thanks to my manager and best friend, who always did everything for my best.” Jinyoung looked at the side of the cinema, where he knew Jackson was. “Jackson-ah, thanks you so much!” Everyone laughed at Jackson pretending that he was wiping tears from his face.

  
Jinyoung turned back to the front, his gaze found Jaebum's in the same instant.

"I also wanted to thank the person who made me their home."

Jaebum smiled. He knew what was exactly inside Jinyoung's mind at that moment.

He knew.

Jinyoung didn't have to say it, as Jaebum already knew.

“Thank you for having me live in your new days.”

Jinyoung smiled even more when Jaebum nodded in agreement, showing that he knew and understood.

  
“_T__hank you for our **passing days**. _”

  
  
  


**..**

  
  


**Epilogue** **  
  
**

The morning sun came in through the cracks in the light curtains in Jaebum's room.

And Jinyoung’s.

Jinyoung's exposed bare back was the first thing to receive the warmth of the sun's rays.

But that was not enough to wake the actor's lazy body.

It made Jaebum smile.

Lying on his side, with only the white comforter covering his hip area, just like Jinyoung, Jaebum smiled as he watched the man next to him.

**His man**, according to the white gold ring on his left ring finger.

“Why are you up so early?” That's what Jinyoung mumbled with his face still between the pillows.

“I wanted to see you wake up on your first day as a married man.”

Jinyoung let only his eyes be seen between the pillows. “Well, watch your husband wake up with a hangover and an achy body.”

The sound of Jaebum's laughter filled the room.

“I will never stop loving you.” Jaebum said between laughs.

Jinyoung smiled, lying on his back, looking at Jaebum.

“Good, because your vows yesterday said eternal love, so it better be.” The two laughed together again.

“What do you want to do today?” Jaebum asked after sheltering Jinyoung in his arms in the middle of the bed.

"Spend the whole day like this.”

“Like this?” Jaebum looked at himself and then at Jinyoung. “Naked and on the bed?”

Jinyoung nodded before looking at Jaebum's face. “But we're not fully naked.”

Jaebum did not understand.

Jinyoung held out his left hand. “I'm wearing my wedding ring.”

Jaebum smiled even more, pulling Jinyoung's body closer to him.

“I thought about going to the spring festival.” Jaebum offered. “I heard they brought a ferris wheel.”

Jaebum left in the air.

Jinyoung laughed.

“They bring it, Jaebum? They?” Jinyoung pushed Jaebum to lie down, leaning on his chest, to look at him better. “Or was it a businessman in the flower field that he offered for the festival?”

Jaebum pretended not to understand.

“I wonder who that charitable businessman would be,huh?!”

Jinyoung couldn't hold his laughter for much longer.

“Is this all for me to fulfill my promise to take you for a ride on the ferris wheel, Jaebum?”

"You know, you owe me this for over ten years.”

Jinyoung smirked, pulling the comforter off Jaebum's body before mounting it on his lap.

“We can go there tonight.” Jinyoung says as his hand starts to reach something behind him. “I can go for a ride somewhere else now.”

Jaebum smirks as he brings his hands to Jinyoung's bare thighs beside his body. “You don't even have to stand in line for that.”

  
“Fasten your belt, **_Mr. Park_**.” Jinyoung said with lips inches from Jaebum's.

  
Jaebum smiled the same smile as Jinyoung.

  
“Take me anywhere with you, ** _Mr Im_ **.”

**THE END**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading this to the end!!!! Even though english is not my mother tongue, I hope I made a fic where you could understand what I wanted to go delivery and the story I created.
> 
> A lot of warm kisses and hugs and, if you can, let me know your thoughts of Passing Days in the comments.
> 
> xx, Sereia ~


End file.
